I cant see myself being happy anymore. Ive done everything i thought would make me happy, then i done all the stuff i didnt think would. And nothing, no matter what, doesnt seem to make me feel, complete, or whole... well there was one time. no...twice... Atleast i feel real again. But i just cant do this anymore. im sitting here in my friends bedroom looking at his T.V and i just think "Christ sake, is she ever happy? is she bringing me down? What the hell is up with her? Why isnt she happy anymore? what happened to the old times?" So i knocked on his PS3 and i listened to some tunes. So i lay on his futon for 15minutes. And i just started thinking. Like really deeply. And ive come to the conclusion, im pretty stuck, there isnt anything i really can do anymore. Every day i think "Is she dead? Has she tried to hide it? Why isnt she texting back?" and the worry is what is getting me down. The last few weeks ive been doing alot of stuff and its fun and nice. but the worry wont get out of the back of my mind, i wanna reach in and scrape out the pain.. Ive also gotta hide alot of stuff. Too much stuff, im not sure who i can trust and who i can show it all too. To get it off my mind!!! Richard seems like the only guy i can truely trust. cept hes never around anymore..im not even posting the full story incase someone sees :sad: I have nowhere anymore :sad::sad: What can i do? Where do i go? Who can i trust? What the hell is wrong with my mind. too many random thoughts!! Why is everyone right about..."it"?? Why didnt i do this sooner!? save everyone the hurt..