i dunno .............

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I can't shake this feeling. I've had it for awhile. This feeling of being really low. It gets worse each day. No one to talk to. I know people say i can always talk to them but it's not that easy. To feel like a burden must be one of the most depressing feelings ever. I find it very hard for me to open up. I think theres like 2 people i've ever truely opened up to. I can't talk to either of them. I can't talk to anyone. Even if i did have someone to talk to i don't think i could. I don't know whats wrong.

    I can't sleep. When i do i sleep for ages. I sleep all day. Just to forget. I'm scared. Scared their come back. The thoughts that scare me to death. Told one person about them and they must of thought i was mad. Maybe i am. Head feels like its going a hundred miles an hour and i can't slow it down. Sick of this. Sick of not being able to control my thoughts.

    Everything is pissing me off. I can't deal with it.

    Yesterday i just wanted to walk, walk and walk. Just never stop walking away from here. Never come back. Emptyness. Fed up with it. I want out.

    I miss you all so fucking much. It hurts like hell. I wanna be with you. Have the peace you have.

    I don't know wtf im talking about anymore. Rambling. Fuck up. Fucking piece of shit. Can't do it anymore.
     
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    viks i'm sorry i can't be around at the moment. but know that ur in my thoughts. i love you, mate :wub:
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    But Vikki, people wouldnt make the offer if they weren't prepared to listen. We are willing to take on the "burden" and try to help you through it. Trust me, closing yourself down and shutting yourself out will only make it worse. Take the chance hun and reach out. There are so many hands there waiting to grab onto yours and help pull you through this. And you are not a piece of shit or a fuck up. You are a person hurting and needing to talk and get it out. Please do hun.
     
  4. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    Sorry to read you're feeling so bad, Vicki. :(

    I feel the same atm.

    I lurk here quite a lot but always feel unable to express how at the end of the line I am.

    My relationship is so difficult because of my depression, I feel so guilty, dishonest, misunderstood, lost, confused and afraid of everything.

    I'm even afraid of it getting light in the morning so I take one of my Mirtazapine's (antidepressant) to knock me out until it gets dark.

    I really need a friend. :(

    Have you got anyone on here you can talk to?
     
  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Vikki

    I could try and convince you that it is not a burden to talk to us about whats going on but I know how hard it can be so maybe you could try writting it down? Not just typing but actually writting (rant or poem maybe) or even drawing?

    Not sure if this helps...I'm just trying to go off personal experience ie. for me, I wrote a song...maybe you can think of another outlet?

    Take care mate!

    xo
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: Vikki

    Perhaps it would be better for you to just write down how you're feeling and send it to someone without talking directly. You aren't a burden hun. If you feel like it, you can PM me , as you know I'm always here and you can trust me :hug: