Well this could trigger, so maybe don't read this I'm off my meds, and I have been for about a month and well, I'm happier now. Sure on meds, the depression may not have been a severe but I'm better now. Before I got help I eas happier, I was a better person. Before I let people walk all over me, and su that sucked, but at least I did something nice for the world. Now I try to stick up for myself and I'm shot down and neglected. I was raped and no matter how many times I said no it didn't matter. I try to tell my side of things and people don't care, people don't listen, and they sure as hell don't believe a word I say. So I think it's ti e to go back. I at least had people who wanted to be around me then. I'm living on my own now, I got my apartment and I'm excited. I can finally stop going to therapy and to the fucking doctor. It doesn't help, it made me worse. I don't think counseling helps everyone an I'm someone it doesn't help. It's time to stop wasting my time. I'm not getting a new doctor, and I'm not trying it again, but if people ask me, I'll just say I did. I don't need the extra drama of people who think they know what's best for me telling me what to do. I've don't that and guess what it doesn't work. Yeah I'm 21 so I'm still "young" but I think I know myself better than other people, and these other peoples advice has only made me worse. I'm not good enough and all the people I know won't let me forget that. Even my boss, I was right, he thinks nothing of me, he said 1 more incident ( the first being my hospitalization for depression) and he's haft let me go. Aparently me having depression is enough of a reason to consider firing me so to me the logical thing to do is to deny having depression and just going back to how it was before and just survive. So yeah I duno I tried writing this like 4 times, I duno if it makes sense or not but if you read it thanks.