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i even fucked up my suicide

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#1
man my is my life so shit i cant even kill myself without something going wrong i drove my van and i still alive why does god do this to me i dont want to be here i have no friends all my family think im a piece of shit that will never make nothing off my shitty life now im in trouble with the cops for trying to top myself not one thing has ever gone my way i have no money no family no friends no job no qualifications to get a job i sit in my room all day everyday why cant some good luck just happen for me im 27 and have wanted to die for the past 17 years my greedy sisters get everything they want my mum and dad paid for them to go to uni and there weddings when i wanted to go to uni i was told by my sisters not to bother as i am a loser and i will waste there money i just want this to all end now now everyone knows what i done and all they are saying is im a drama queen well im not all i want is something to go right for me i have tried everything to get a job and its like i got a tattoo on my head saying loser i done everything for my family when i was young i went to a school were i was the only asian there i was allways getting called rasist names and beaten up and even the teachers didnt belive me what am i going to do ive tried everything death for me would be best for everyone i bet my so called family would have a massive party when i do die thats if i dont fuck it up as normal
 
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total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
Hi im sorry you are feeling so alone YOur family not being there for you. I do hope you can go to hospital and get some help okay talk to a pdoc there see if you can get on some medication to help decrease your depression. I am glad you are venting here getting out the pain a bit it helps hun YOu are not a loser hun don't let anyone make you feel that way you are jsut as important as your sisters are hugs to you
 

Moat

Banned Member
#3
The fact that you didn't die can be seen as a mark of good luck, for you still have the opportunity to have a go of life and change it for the better, whereas it is not something you can do when you're dead.
 

Chargette

Well-Known Member
#4
Just for today, try to do the things you are able to do, especially if they are little things. Please take care of yourself, for yourself. You can come here and let all the hurtful stuff out and that way you don't have to carry it around. Many of us have diaries here, some public, some private.

I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
 

Entoloma43

Well-Known Member
#5
i was told by my sisters not to bother as i am a loser and i will waste there money i just want this to all end now now everyone knows what i done
I would have driven the van into my sisters if that happened to me.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
Boy do I know that feeling. After countless overdoses and other methods which I can't mention here I'm still alive and kicking, maybe it's true, some of us just aren't meant to die...its not our time. be strong.
 

Darkdragon44

Well-Known Member
#7
i too screwed up my suicide attempt, goddamn sister found me, but for a short time (2 Months) it was a good time, but now with recent events i believe suicide is an option but it is a last resort, and im still here, all thats left of the time is a 3 inch scar on my chest.
 
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Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#8
Hi and welcome. Your failed attempt is our gift because you are here with us..of course you feel like a failure; that is all you have been told...with a family so intent on saving face, to treat you as they do, is really more shame than any problems you might have...is there a way to tell yourself that they are just mean, and not to listen to them? Love does not feel like that! So sorry this is how you are being treated.
 

mytime

Active Member
#9
Don't blame yourself, I got it wrong four times (so far) and three of those I'd done enough research to be sure I'd succeed. It's much harder to die than I expected.

While lots of (most) people have suicidal thoughts few act on them. So while most people don't understand at all where you're at but they often think they do. That makes it hard for you. Don't fight them, there's no point. But, maybe, you can find someone who will listen. If not "out there," we will, especially if you'll be there for us too. It's good that you're here.
 
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