i f*** everything up!!!!!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by meagainstme, Apr 4, 2007.

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  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    yes. ive done it again.
    i cant control this person inside of me. they take over. and make me do crazy things. i came off my meds, thinking i didnt need them. but oh no. ive been fucking crazy all weekend, planning my suicide. i planned to get rid of everyone close to me so i can die in peace. dumped my gf today. then once i had calmed down realised what a total twat i had been to her all day and tried to make amends. yet again, im left alone. i always do this to myself. been put back on meds. im now on atarax and fluoxetine. im so fed up of this shit. its my life, but i cant fucking control it!!! i feel so insane!!
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You're not insane, but you are ill, and you need meds to control your illness.

    Did you call your counsellor? if not, maybe you should.

    Have you started them again? Or are the fluoxetine and atarax totally new?

    It also sounds like you are not getting enough support to help you right now. Could you go back to your doctor and ask?

    With regards to your girlfriend, maybe you could write her a letter and fully explain everything that is going on, and hope that she understands and is willing to at least talk to you about it.

    Hang in there
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Have you tried talking to your girlfriend to explain things?
  4. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    the meds are new ones. the old ones i was on either didnt do anything or gave me embarrasing side effects.

    ive tried talking to my girlfriend, but i do just sound insane! who would want me around really???

    my mom doesnt give a shit either. argh. i hate this life.

    i didnt call my counsellor in the end. i hate opening up face to face so my anxiety is too high for me to actually initiate me seeing her. i dont know what to do. i just want to curl up and DIE. literally.

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