I failed at it again.. i drank and drank and then took only about 1 bottle then fell asleep.. it did not work cause it was not enough.. my plan is to get way more and this time take them before i get way too drunk to do it.. it will not ever be told the day, hour, or when.. i will never let anyone know my plans on this..
on April 9, at 9 am i have to have an operation that will require me to go under.. i have about 35$ in a online paypal account that i can use and i am going to go to a voodoo site and have someone put a voodoo curse upon me that i will not wake up.. the minister will be going with me so i will go and say my prayers and ask God to forgive me then let them put me under... i have had enough of this life..
tonight i was called everything in the book, from an attention whore to evil, a scammer, a munipulater of others feelings, etc.. that was / is the last strawl for me.. i remember coming here and getting hateful remarks, like i would not do it and all but i also remember a few that did say some nice things. i came here to get away from people who hurt me emotionally cause i needed a safe place to go to feel loved and cared for. those that do these things have in no doubt in my mind never really hurt so much in their life..
i have been hurting so hard and so much and for so long.. i cant even get the peace i need, the closer on some things.. i will die without ever knowing and what really hurts my heart the most is the ones that can help me achevie that closer continue to let me suffer in this emotional pain.. perhaps their way of thinking is if they abandon me then i will soon forget about it and move on, they have no idea just how wrong they are if they think that way..
love is the power of the universe, it is the only thing that can truly heal me.. but my heart has way to many holes to even be mended together is near to impossiable to do. so i posted tonight and told them to give me hate, give me more hurt so my heart can break right into but i was banned before that happened intirly, now i have a heart that is almost broken, one harsh word and it will break. i am at the end and its time for me to just go..
i know voodoo works.. i have seen it working before.. i know if i pay someone to do a curse spell that will take me during this procedure it will and i am going to do just that, but if perhaps it was to fail in any way i wuill have my second choce.. i saved all the hateful things to my computer before i was baned and it erased, i will copy it and have it on hand to read, so when and if my operation does not take me, i can read those hateful remarks that call me an attention whore and a physixcho and other things so i can do the job before getting drunk, that getting drunk will be the final step to me passing out never to awaken again
on April 9, at 9 am i have to have an operation that will require me to go under.. i have about 35$ in a online paypal account that i can use and i am going to go to a voodoo site and have someone put a voodoo curse upon me that i will not wake up.. the minister will be going with me so i will go and say my prayers and ask God to forgive me then let them put me under... i have had enough of this life..
tonight i was called everything in the book, from an attention whore to evil, a scammer, a munipulater of others feelings, etc.. that was / is the last strawl for me.. i remember coming here and getting hateful remarks, like i would not do it and all but i also remember a few that did say some nice things. i came here to get away from people who hurt me emotionally cause i needed a safe place to go to feel loved and cared for. those that do these things have in no doubt in my mind never really hurt so much in their life..
i have been hurting so hard and so much and for so long.. i cant even get the peace i need, the closer on some things.. i will die without ever knowing and what really hurts my heart the most is the ones that can help me achevie that closer continue to let me suffer in this emotional pain.. perhaps their way of thinking is if they abandon me then i will soon forget about it and move on, they have no idea just how wrong they are if they think that way..
love is the power of the universe, it is the only thing that can truly heal me.. but my heart has way to many holes to even be mended together is near to impossiable to do. so i posted tonight and told them to give me hate, give me more hurt so my heart can break right into but i was banned before that happened intirly, now i have a heart that is almost broken, one harsh word and it will break. i am at the end and its time for me to just go..
i know voodoo works.. i have seen it working before.. i know if i pay someone to do a curse spell that will take me during this procedure it will and i am going to do just that, but if perhaps it was to fail in any way i wuill have my second choce.. i saved all the hateful things to my computer before i was baned and it erased, i will copy it and have it on hand to read, so when and if my operation does not take me, i can read those hateful remarks that call me an attention whore and a physixcho and other things so i can do the job before getting drunk, that getting drunk will be the final step to me passing out never to awaken again
you know where to find me hun you are not alone
