I tried to kill myself again a couple of nights ago. I took 32 sleeping pills and I told a friend I was getting too dizzy to txt her much longer. I don't remember much of what happened until I woke up the next day in a hospital bed. Now I'm out of the hospital, but I don't feel much better. My friends seem to be abandoning me one at a time. None of my family even want to see me. I have nobody I can really turn to for comfort. I hate feeling this alone. I have no job and I have to crash on a couch. I have been cutting myself to deal with the emotional pain simply because the physical pain of that is easier to deal with than the emotional pain of every day life. I want to die, but I don't seem to have the courage to do it. Part of me wants to stop taking my pills in hopes that I will then feel miserable enough that I CAN finish myself off. I have this feeling that it's only a matter of time. I'm scared, but I hurt so much and I need an escape. I don't have one.