I tried to overdose on painkillers on the 10th of this month (october 2007). The day before that my boyfriend of 3 years left me......I went to university to be with him, I diddnt even want to do the course! I just wanted to be with him. He told me he diddnt want me anymore, he still loves me and cares, but he doesnt want to give us another chance. I lived every day for him........every day was ok because I knew I had him. I messed it up though. I kept bringing issues up and making him feel terrible, I kept judging him and making him feel really bad.......I'm angry with myself for that. He said there isn't a chance at all, even if we spent time apart whilst I got help and got better.........no chance at all. I was desperate. For the entire of wednesday I was trying to get help. The university told me no one could see me, they turned me away whilst I was in tears..my friends diddn't want to talk to me.........and I couldn't see Keith and tell him (keith is the boyfriend). Though looking back, I should have. So, I went and ran the anime club, then after that I handed my friend a letter to give to keith, we parted ways and I went back to my room. Got undressed, put my dresing gown on and started to take the pills.......my mistake was thinking that keith would take longer than 15 minutes to get to me. He was outside shouting...........I wasn't in pain, I wasn't being sick or anything...........so I had to go to him..... He held me so tight, he called an ambulence and all the while he held me, I felt like he really loved me.............but........at the hospital, he told me that after this there was no chance at all. He moved back to maidenhead which is far away from the university.........and I'll hardly see him again.. at the moment, I dont think he even wants to see or talk to me anymore.........I think he hates me. It's worse now.......all I want is some hope. The only hope I want to live for, is for him... I want something to live for, but theres nothing else other than him. I have no friends back home in south wales, the friends I have at uni dont really want me around anymore.......my other friends are at different universities or live miles away, or are on the other side of the world. And I know some of you understand this but, we need someone to be around us alot of the time when we're like this.........I sit alone in this house all day and just cry. People tell me I have so much to live for. Yeah, I'm good at sewing, I style wigs, I can draw, I can animate......but none of it matters.............without his love in my life, it's not worth it anymore. I'm planning suicide again, this time with sleeping pills.........I'm going back to uni tommorow, where I'll get the pills from the doctors by tuesday......I plan to do it on friday....it's our anniversary on that day....there'll be no one there to stop me...I just wonder, can I stop myself from calling Keith to say goodbye...? I'm angry that I lived.