This will sound so stupid, but I failed him. My brother was the last one I had left. He asked me for a ride. He doesn't really get it, but I get really bad panic attacks. He just asked me for a ride, so he could take a backpacking trip. I was to drop him off at one location, and pick him up at another. Quite simple. The thing is, he doesn't understand that I get really bad panic attacks. And even though I said yes, when it came down to it, I couldn't drive. So I bailed. I let him down. In our family, the only thing you can count on is is that you can't count on anyone, but I've always been that different one. I was the one you could count on. He knows that I've had trouble with panic attacks lately, and that I wrecked my car during one last fall, but he still doesn't get it. He will never forgive me for bailing on him today, it's our family MO, and I was the one exception. He will never understand why I bailed on him today, and he will never forgive me. And he was the one person I had left on my life.