I would agree with PerfectM here, that you've got another reprieve and maybe can take it as a sign that there is more for you to discover yet which can help give another perspective, which will build your hope, I do hope so
Perhaps it is a sign that you are not yet ready to depart this world. Seek some help now. If you put as much effort into recovery like you are trying to die, you may find yourself in a better place.
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