I Failed!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Melbel, Jun 9, 2012.

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  1. Melbel

    Melbel Member

    I am nothing special. I don't have anything to look forward too in life. I feel as if I wasted everyone's time here. I thank you for your support but I failed you all! I have tried to get help, no one can. I tried to talk to someone on the crisis lines and followed their advice. Who am I kidding? No one will miss me. I have no true friends. I will keep up the facade as if nothing is wrong. I won't wate your time anymore by posting. I will be nothing but a memory. Thank byou to those who listened but I am not worthy of anymore of your time.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are worthy you are important you are special hun please know that You are not wasting anyones time hun YOU are reaching out for much deserved support hugs to you
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is so sad...I do understand that level of worthlessness, like I was a waste of DNA and amino acid..like I took up air that should be for someone else...but I was wrong...I was tragically depressed and could not see any value in me...you are wrong too, if I can be so bold to state it...your value is not about whether you deserve support, almost (I am on the fence about sociopaths to be honest) people do...but more importantly, maybe your journey should start with a question of 'where is my worth?" saying you have none does not get you beyond where you are...maybe also start a thread to ask how others have found theirs...some people here do know the gifts they have...and like me, and yourself, others need to be reminded
     
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Well, you're important to me. And what we're here for is to help each other make it through another day. It takes time, but you're not wasting anyone's. In fact, you may someday be the one voice that can call me in from the edge.

    I hope you'll find a way through this day, lean on us, we'll be glad to help you some emotional support and encouragement. You may find your answer here, or a path to one.

    I'm truly sorry that you're so sad that you think you're at the end and there are no more options.
     
  5. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    no. you are not wasting our time by posting. keep posting. we are all here. are there any clubs in your area where you can be a member?
     
  6. Melbel

    Melbel Member

    Thank you. I am hanging on by a thin thread. I am scared because the more I try the worse I am getting. I know I have a month before my doctors appointment. I hope I can make it that long. I can't stop the cutting. At least I cut where it isn't visible. It is what I do to just feel "real". I am just goin thru the motions of life so no one knows just how bad off I really am. I am sorry.
     
  7. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    ((((Melbel!)))

    You should set up an earlier appointment with your doctor, and tell him about what's going on. He can help!

    Can you find something to detract yourself from cutting?
     
  8. momluvslgg

    momluvslgg Member

    Dear Melbel - you are never a waste of anyone's time, and are completely worthy of everyone's time. My heart aches for you, the despair you are feeling, and I'm praying that you will feel just how much God loves you, and come to know how worthy you are in His eyes. He loves you no matter what, and we all care about you too. I found an article series on< edit mod total eclipse spam>Cutting and Self Injury from the place that I work, Focus on the Family. I hope it will help you in some way. I agree that it would be best to get a quicker appointment. Maybe if you call and tell them that it can't wait and explain, they could get you in sooner. I'll continue to pray for you Melbel!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2012
  9. momluvslgg

    momluvslgg Member

    Hi again Melbel,

    In my last post, I just noticed that the article did not link, so if you are interested in finding it, it is listed on focusonthefamily.com, under the "Life Challenges" section, then under the sub heading "Abuse and Addiction", then "Conquering Cutting and Other Forms of Self-Injury" or you can go to this shortened link: http://bit.ly/NsXBnp. Still praying for you, friend!
     
  10. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    Heck no you aren't wasting anyones time we are here because we want to help you. Just know that you are a worthy person and if you ever want to talk pm anytime.
     
  11. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I always listened to you and you were never a burden to me. I don't know why you stopped replying, I figured it was because you weren't around or didn't want to talk to me anymore. I guess I can understand that, I'm not the most likeable or helpful person, but don't ever feel like you weren't worthy. I honestly felt bad for you and I wanted to help, I tried to say things that would make you feel better. If anyone failed, it was me.
     
  12. Melbel

    Melbel Member

    I just want to cut ties with everyone and just dissapear! Every yime I wake up, I cry because I am dissapointed I didn't die in my sleep! I average 3 hrs of sleep now. I live on about 7K of B-12 each AM and 4-5 energy drinks and 2 5 hour energy shots a day. I rearly eat. If I do its rto be social. IE Splitting an appatizer if I go out or a few bites of something at a friend's house. When I work, I refuse to eat. I will not eat at my house. As you can see, I try daily to kill myself because I don't have anything or anyone to really live for! How can you really care about me? You don't know me. I am a stranger. If I die, you won't miss me. All I have to do is delete this account and I am nothing but a memory. There is no real connection. Although, I have met I off of here, they don't know where I live or work so I can just dissapear. I'm just living in a fantasy world thinking that someone actually cares! I carved the word "ugly" into my thigh so I will always have a reminder of the failure that I am! I leave no footprints on this world. I am just a waste of DNA!
     
  13. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I care about you because I can relate to how you feel. I know the things that you have told me about yourself, so in that way, I know you more than a lot of the people I've known in "real life". There is no way to delete your account here, though you are always free to cut ties and stop logging on, if that is your wish. Nobody here can stop you from doing that. In fact, no one anywhere can stop you from doing anything. It's your life and you are in control of it, even though it doesn't always feel like it. I know what it's like to feel trapped and to want to get away. In the end, though, we're the ones who are holding ourselves back.

    Don't live with the thought that nobody cares or could care about you. If nobody cares about you, it's only because you're not allowing them to. So you are a stranger to me and I am a stranger to you. We're all strangers in this world. We're born alone and we die alone. But in between, all we have are chances to reach out to one another. I offer you my friendship - if you wish to decline, that is your choice and I will not hold it against you. Maybe you don't consider talking to an anonymous stranger on the internet to be a "real connection", but then, what is a real connection? I have no real connections with my so-called friends and family. I don't even have a real connection with my own wife. These are people who physically know me. I've had closer connections with people that I've met on the internet than I ever had with anyone in quote unquote "real life", because here we are free to say what we really feel. In the real world, we lie to ourselves... we lie to others... we put on a front, pretend like everything is okay. You think that's more real than coming here and pouring your heart out? Is it really? Walking through life wearing a mask, that's real? I don't think it is. The only time you ever have a real connection with anybody is when you open up to them and are honest with them and honest with yourself. You are not a failure, and your life is no more or less important than anyone else's. We're all given a life, and no one life is more valuable than another. Everybody's life, everybody's thoughts, problems, emotions, etc., they are all important to them. This is your existence... your life is your most important possession, and it is priceless. In reality, DNA was wasted on all of us unless we find a way to give our lives meaning. That meaning doesn't have to mean anything to the world, it only has to mean something to yourself. You're only a failure if you believe that you are a failure. It's not what anyone else thinks. You are the only one who can define you, you are the only one who can know you, and it's up to you whether or not you allow anyone else to know you or care about you.
     
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