I'm currently at college, studying Maths, Accounting, Business and Computing. My family have always considered me smart, sending me to private primary education, adding more pressure to my life. My dad is quite pushy, thinks he knows the best about EVERYTHING and my mum isn't so bad. I have been hooked into a world of online gambling. It started small and of course got worse. I used my parents money and I still am. I REALLY WANT TO STOP. They know about it and life has been bad ever since. I have continous thoughts about suicide, I am a crap son. I don't have the courage to commit suicide but I fear I will. I sit here and don't know what to do. If only I was in a full time job so I could pay them back. I still have 2 years of college until I start earning properly. I've had to borrow money from family to help me. This can't go on. I want to die. I know this probably seems like nothing to a lot of you, but I feel so guilty, I think it would be better if I just weren't here.. so I go rambling on with a tear down my face, thank you for reading.