I fear i'll have courage.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brocky800, Feb 8, 2008.

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  1. brocky800

    brocky800 Member

    I'm currently at college, studying Maths, Accounting, Business and Computing. My family have always considered me smart, sending me to private primary education, adding more pressure to my life.

    My dad is quite pushy, thinks he knows the best about EVERYTHING and my mum isn't so bad. I have been hooked into a world of online gambling. It started small and of course got worse. I used my parents money and I still am. I REALLY WANT TO STOP. They know about it and life has been bad ever since. I have continous thoughts about suicide, I am a crap son.

    I don't have the courage to commit suicide but I fear I will. I sit here and don't know what to do. If only I was in a full time job so I could pay them back. I still have 2 years of college until I start earning properly. I've had to borrow money from family to help me. This can't go on. I want to die.

    I know this probably seems like nothing to a lot of you, but I feel so guilty, I think it would be better if I just weren't here.. so I go rambling on with a tear down my face, thank you for reading.
  2. Bograt

    Bograt Active Member

    Its not what causes your feelings that makes them dangerous, its how those feelings make you act. Sure an online gambling/ debt problem might not seem like to much of a big deal to some of the other problems here, but that is not whats important. What is important is that your problems, whatever the cause, have made you feel the way you feel.

    It may seem as though you are stuck in a hole right now, years away from earning real money and in the hole to your family but I can assure you, it is not so grim as you may be thinking.

    Right NOW you have a chance to start on the path back to where you want to be. It will take months if not years to get back on track and it will not be easy, but it is more than possible. The thing to understand is that there is no instant fix for your problems, the best way to get going again is to be completely honest with yourself (and family.... remember, I said it would be hard!) and get on the road back to success.

    You say you really want to stop- then do so. Right this moment, stop gambling. Delete your accounts. Delete your bookmarks. Delete or throw away anything that might make you think of starting again! I myself have had online addiction problems that I deal with to this day, it is a slow process that in the long run pays off. Almost every day I have the urge at least once to go and play, I have to control myself to stop and so can you.

    As for "having the courage" to commit suicide, thats a little misleading. What do you think takes more courage: Killing yourself and ending all at once, or committing yourself to a long term self-improvement project that will probably lead to any number of arguments or family problems that in the end, could lead to a better life?

    Your parents have made an investment in you, your family has made an investment in you. It may not have turned out quite as well in the very short-term as some may have hoped, but there is still enormous potential for the long-term.
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