I fear it's starting all over again...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by HeliosZg, Oct 3, 2009.

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  1. HeliosZg

    HeliosZg New Member

    Last year was very tough for me, I started college but had to quit because of my problems. I've been diagnosed with borderline sindrom and some other nasty things, I often got into verbal fights with my parents, my first true love ended our relationship in a very cruel way... I've always been obsessed with something and for the last two years it has been my looks. I was a chubby teenager but decided to lose some weight, which ended up in me weighing 56 kg at 174 cm last year. My kidneys and heart were starting to fail and I was tired all the time, but couldn't sleep. Plus, I was depressed... I told my parents I wanted to take a year off to get myself up again, until then I had always been a great student. For the past 10 months I've been working at a communications company part-time, taking vitamins and going to the gym on a regular basis. I even have some pals working out with me. I've gained a lot of good weight and have never felt prettier... but in the last two-three weeks it's gotten bad. My best friend turned out to be not a friend at all, I've been obsessing with having fat legs again... still it was pretty fine... college starts in a week and I was looking forward to it... Then today it happened... I woke up and discovered a few stretch marks under my arm, I fell into depression right away. I realised then I haven't really gotten any stronger since last year. I litterally overdo myself, be it starving or exercising and eating. I really don't have anyone to talk about this, my parents don't understand me, shrinks in Croatia are awful (been there, it was horrible) and I am afraid to go to the gym again because I fear I'll get even more scars (the present ones hurt btw) plus I'm starting to feel depressed again, I spent this day in bed... I'm still a long ways from feeling suicidal like last year, still I fear this is it and I'm going to leave college this year as well, which I don't want to...
     
  2. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    have you tried going to a dietician? they may get you on the right path.

    as for college i think you should stick with it. you'll regret it if you leave.

    if you ever need to talk you can always message me. :hug:
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :hug: A friend once told me, "Find your center," and I was so baffled. My center is the private place inside me where I talk to myself. There is beauty inside ourselves. I learned I would not think I was pretty until I recognized the beauty inside of me. Part of my beauty is that I can "self-parent." I talk to myself soothingly and hug myself. I go to my room, curl up, and hug myself, saying to myself, "It's ok honey, I'm here." In a sense, I'm my own mom because my mom is not available.
     
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