I feel absolutely amazing - I didn't know you could feel like this!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by possessednomad, Dec 21, 2010.

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  1. possessednomad

    possessednomad Well-Known Member

    I feel amazing - I'm reached a point where all the plans are made for me to kill myself. I feel amazing because I've made up my mind. (Obviously I don't think anyone should kill themselves, I DON'T CONDONE IT and its purely my decision. I'm really saying I didn't know this was a phase of it.)

    When I was younger some people would talk about taking pills or slitting their wrists but their attempts never worked (Where I lived I mean). I suppose those are what they call a cry for attention, I suppose that's what I was contemplating before without realising it.

    I've booked my train down to a town near a popular place to commit suicide, and thinking about it is making me smile, even laugh! I've also started sorting everything out for when I'm gone. No one's seen me this happy for a long time! I can't wait to see all my friends over the Christmas period because I'm happy and fun to be around again - I've decided to book the train for a month's timeish, I'm going to visit all my old University friends and work friends etc, well as many as I can.

    Have any of you ever reached this point?
  2. I know the feeling you're experiencing right now and I know how good it can feel. But this doesn't have to be the end - can you maybe try and use this happy state to not go through with it? Maybe when you reach your date, can you put it back a week or a month?
  3. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    Funny. I feel almost the same.
  4. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I have felt that way before. It is a freeing feeling. But then I realized that it was going to be the last plan I ever made. No more plans to see Japan... No more plans to stargaze on the darkest of nights... No more plans to buy a new pet, no plans to see art. It wasn't worth it to me to carry out this one seemingly good plan at the cost of giving up all these other beautiful plans.

    Please hold on. This feeling will pass, we're all here to support you.
  5. possessednomad

    possessednomad Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the responses - there are kind people here!

    I can see that this is something which happens to loads of people, I suppose I don't know a lot about the states people can find themselves in when they're suicidal, its very interesting to hear that.

    I'm so looking forward to seeing old friends (It's all being organised now, facebook etc). I'm going to do my little trips around and then I'm going to finally get rid of the feelings my pointless 'problems' cause once and for all.
  6. jimmy88

    jimmy88 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I can totally relate. It's why people say a sign of a suicidal person is someone who is depressed and suddenly becomes happy for no apparent reason. After years of struggling to solve my problems, alleviate my pain, and get over my regrets and disappointments I've finally found a guaranteed solution. It's liberating to know I have control over that one thing in a life where I control next to nothing. If I thought I was gonna let this existence continue to drag me through it's vicious processes for the rest of my natural life I'd be in a corner somewhere crying my brains out.

    For the person who said to divert this excitement to the purpose of living, I don't think it works like that. I tried to do this and the old feelings attatched to my problems rushed in and I was more depressed then I was before if not moreso. Not saying it's not possible, just in my case it wasn't.
  7. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I understand, it doesn't work for everyone, there is no one simple solution. I'm just trying to relate what sometimes helps me in my darkest times in hopes it might help someone else too. I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to relate the one ultimate solution or anything but every perspective helps.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    It's almost Christmas. Maybe you could delay your suicide plan for a little while longer?
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I suppose everyone has their own perspective and one might feel happy at the thought whereas another would be very sad. For me the thought of suicide would not make me happy and any sure plan would likewise make me sad. No way could I visit freinds and so on - knowing that the next time they saw me would be a funeral.

    I'm new here so don't know many people. That is not really an issue though because I'd always try to take a pro-life position whenever I see a situation like this. I mean, if the thought of dying makes you cheerful, then maybe its possible to carry on knowing that one day sure enough you'll die regardless. We all will. and I'm sure at that point we'll likely think life went fast. We look ahead now and see a hard slog - but look behind and even the worse of times, they usually go by fast.

    Maybe, as you meet old freinds and so on you'll feel less inclined to take your life. I hope so because you never really what good things might be in store for you. I'm sure some good things have occured in your life so far. I feel cynical towards my future right now - pessimistic perhaps, but despite this, maybe I'll have luck which is good luck and not the usual run of bad.

    Maybe you could do a charity walk to that popular spot instead?

    I suppose that would turn a negative into a positive.

    Hope I don't come across as too cheerful bro - I've been in a similar spot - seen people in a similar spot and I'll always try to help out even if I come across like some idiot perhaps.

    In a way, we're all half idiot.

    Or is that just me and your all quarter idiots?

    Anyways, good luck in that your plan does not pan out.
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