next year i have to do a year abroad as part of my course at uni...part of me cant wait to go and start afresh somewhere else but im in a relationship and so leaving is something im not really looking forward to. im in an interracial relationship that my brother really doesnt like when he sees pictures of me and my boyfriend he doesnt stop going on about how horrendous they are and its the most disgusting sight he's ever seen. lately things have just started going downhill for me and im just really unhappy with everything, i dont feel respected and i feel like i have noone. it was my birthday the other day and my grandad who has angina and has had a lot of heart problems and mini strokes had a seizure while we were all sitting around the table and went unconscious, we all thought he was dead as noone could wake him, it was so upsetting and as you can imagine not the kind of 20th birthday or any birthday anyone ever wants but anyway. ive also been getting a whole load of rubbish from friends and ive totally lost faith in quite a few of them as they start to show their true colours to me. im feeling so alone and i self harmed again the other day...i had nothing else around me so i just sat and scratched my wrists till they were bleeding. i used to self harm when i was younger and i thought id left that all behind along with the rubbish i went through back then but it all seems to be starting up again and i don't know what to do, i was going to counselling but noone understands what i feel and the counsellor really did not help.