i feel alone

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next year i have to do a year abroad as part of my course at uni...part of me cant wait to go and start afresh somewhere else but im in a relationship and so leaving is something im not really looking forward to. im in an interracial relationship that my brother really doesnt like when he sees pictures of me and my boyfriend he doesnt stop going on about how horrendous they are and its the most disgusting sight he's ever seen. lately things have just started going downhill for me and im just really unhappy with everything, i dont feel respected and i feel like i have noone. it was my birthday the other day and my grandad who has angina and has had a lot of heart problems and mini strokes had a seizure while we were all sitting around the table and went unconscious, we all thought he was dead as noone could wake him, it was so upsetting and as you can imagine not the kind of 20th birthday or any birthday anyone ever wants but anyway. ive also been getting a whole load of rubbish from friends and ive totally lost faith in quite a few of them as they start to show their true colours to me. im feeling so alone and i self harmed again the other day...i had nothing else around me so i just sat and scratched my wrists till they were bleeding. i used to self harm when i was younger and i thought id left that all behind along with the rubbish i went through back then but it all seems to be starting up again and i don't know what to do, i was going to counselling but noone understands what i feel and the counsellor really did not help.


Staff Alumni
Hi whatswiththeworld,
and first welcome to the forum.
I think you have the right to feel down, it seems that you have not
such supportive friends, and yes, it's true, it's exactly when you start showing symptoms of depression that you can really see where and who the people are that really care and are able to understand and support. I found that myself, and it isn't very encouraging. About your brother , it's also a shame he let's looks, skin colour or other superficial things influence his judgement...he should be happy when his sister is happy, or would he prefer some perfect racial matching boyfriend for you, even if he was an abuser ?!
I know you will find support here, there's a lot of nice people who can relate to your problems and be much more supportive and usefull than myself, but I thought i just give you a quick welcome and let you know that your not alone.
Maybe you should also give counselling another chance, I bet if you find a good counselor he or she would understand....
Anyway, glad you found us, I hope you don't hurt yourself again, I think there are some tips on avoiding or controling SI on one of the sections of this forum
Take care and feel free to post or pm me (or someone else:) ) whenever you need.
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thanks. im also having problems with my boyfriend i really don't think he is very sensitive and he almost tells me off for crying if and when i do in front of him and tells me its pathetic and i shouldnt let stuff like that bother me. he is a tough love kind of person but it just really doesnt help when im being given grief for being with him n i defend my relationship with him that i turn to him for some kind of solace from the shit people are giving me and he's not exactly a shoulder to cry on. he helped me to open up to him over the course of our relationship but i now feel more emotionally distanced from him than ever.


Well-Known Member
I'm obviously not going to change your mind, and I doubt you'll see this, and I'm not trying to be "mean" but you should listen to your brother. He is looking out for you, not this guy. I could give you many reasons not to date outside your race including things like the idea of love, soul-mates, culture, pride, heritage, etc. I doubt you'd listen, but neverthles it seems their are reasons why this guy seems like a jerk regardless of his race such as his view on your feelings.

I can't be sure but it sounds like he's using you, in most interracial relationships the likelyhood of being used increases.
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