I don't know what to do or where to turn to anymore. I don't feel like my fiance loves me lately. He says I've been mean and selfish and inconsiderate. I have Borderline/Avoidant Mixed Personality Disorder. Yes, I get irritated at things easily. Yes, I constantly take things in the most negative way possible. Yes, I blow up over what most would call "little things". And yes, a lot of things bother me that wouldn't bother most people. That's all part of my BPD...I can't help it. I do my best to think before I speak, to try to compromise, and avoid acting on my intense emotions/impulses...but I can't make it work all the time. Sometimes I just need him to cut me a break. But he never lets anything go. I still hear about stuff that happened days, weeks, and months ago. Today, I said something like, "Hey, I noticed that after I say something to someone (whether aloud or in text), I keep repeating it over and over again in my head, sometimes 20+ times, trying to make sure that it didn't make me sound stupid. Do you think this is more related to Social Anxiety Disorder, or OCD because of the repetitiveness?" I've been diagnosed with SAD, but not OCD, and I just wanted to get his opinion on the matter. He said, "I don't know, I sometimes repeat things in my head too, but I don't go crazy over it." That word "crazy" just stuck out to me. I felt like he was implying that I was crazy for doing that, and it offended me. And tonight he flips out saying that I should stop taking things so negatively, etc. I CAN'T HELP IT. It offended me, and all I did was say "That's kind of offensive". I didn't criticize him for it or keep going on and on about the subject. I just said how I felt, he said he didn't mean it that way, and I let it go. Did I really deserve for him to hold that against me? Another example, we live in PA and it's supposed to snow here on Thursday. I go to college 3 days a week, and don't drive, so he takes me to the train on those days. Thursday is one of my days I have class, and due to the snow, I kept asking questions about his car, and whether his parents can drive us since their cars are better in the snow, and how many inches of snow it'll be, etc. And he got annoyed saying I was asking too many questions and he didn't want to answer them because he didn't know. He was like "If I tell you something, and then it doesn't happen that way, you complain that I lied to you and blame me, so I don't want to answer." And that got me angry; I felt like I was being criticized, so I started getting an attitude. And then he claims I was being mean. Well what does he expect? He was being offensive, causing me to get on the defensive. Also certain movies that have nudity or just too much skin in them upset me because I get afraid that he's going to find another woman attractive, so I avoid watching anything with that kind of stuff in it and ask the same of him. Apparently that's begun to bother him, even though he knew I was like that from the day we met. He says I don't let him do anything he likes to do and complain about not getting enough of his love or attention all the time and everything's about me, and I don't care about him. And I just feel like if I'm such a bad person, why is he even with me? Why does he, supposedly, love me? And why shouldn't I just kill myself? He's my life...and him saying all these things just makes me feel even more uncared about and unloved. Thus, I'm prone to getting angry easily, and scared that he stopped loving me, which will make me get annoying and ask for love and attention to try to make those thoughts go away...which will only annoy him more. I can't win. I can't handle school, either. All the group work teachers make us do, with my social anxiety, just does not go over well. And dealing with people, in general, whom I hate with a passion, makes me angry. I got made fun of so much while I was in school that I despise humanity at this point. I have a bunch of things wrong with me, both mentally and physically and need to start seeing doctors again but I lost my medical insurance and getting it back requires filing an application, talking to people and asking questions... Again, not something that's easy for me. A catch-22. I have no one except my fiance. He's the only reason I live. I love my mom but all she does is claim my issues don't exist and they're all in my head, and I'm lazy, etc. She, too, claims I'm selfish and inconsiderate...all the while telling me she loves me and wouldn't know what to do if anything ever happened to me. If that's true, why does she have to be so mean and close-minded about everything? I don't feel as though I can turn to anyone right now. My fiance used to be so understanding about my issues and now he just claims that everything's about me all the time and makes me feel awful. I feel like he doesn't like me anymore and it's making me want to die. A bunch of things that he used to do earlier on in the relationship that made me feel loved, he stopped doing. And all I find myself thinking of lately is getting high and how I'm going to off myself. What can I do to make any of this better? He says I'm mean, but I think he's the one who doesn't care about me like he used to. I just want him to love me.