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I feel awful

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kit-kat, Apr 17, 2015.

  1. kit-kat

    kit-kat New Member

    I haven't left the house in more than a month. I've quit school and work. I have no friends and I'm so completely lonely that I've started talking to someone who tried to rape me again. Everyone hates me. I just don't want to wake up tomorrow and idk what to do and I think it's pretty much guaranteed that they're gonna put me in hospital

    Also someone said to me: "If anything I want you to suffer in whatever mental institution they lock you into" after they denied sending a message telling me to kill myself on Tumblr
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Jeez. You could be me last year. I quit going to work and didn't leave the house for a month. And yes, I did end up in the hospital. Four times. One of those times was really beneficial though so I wouldn't necessarily view hospitalization as a negative. I would get out in front of it though. Do you have a choice as to what hospital you'll be sent to? If so, check them out now because there is a wide range of hospitalization experiences and the default is not necessarily that great. You can get info about different hospital programs by calling local hotlines (which is a good idea anyway for you) and checking out their websites.

    Some hospitals are essentially medicating warehouses, although they do provide you with prescriptions and discharge plans so in that sense they're a way to jump start the treatment process. Others will actually provide group and or individual therapy while you're there. Some even allow you computer access and access to exercise equipment. Some provide art therapy and education classes about mental illness. You might indeed need hospitalization - see if you can't make the most of that experience.

    Obviously you see what a bad sign it is that you've reestablished contact with your would-be rapist. You must be terribly lonely to do such a thing. Contacting this forum is a good step - post here when you feel lonely or go on chat but please, please let this person go. He does not have your best interests at heart.

    As for the person who is torturing you.... and torture is what it is, telling a depressed person to kill themselves or wish them suffering on the psych ward.... words can not express my contempt for anyone who would do such a thing. Tell this person to go to hell and don't look back.

    You are depressed, which is an illness, and nothing to be ashamed about. Like any patient, you need treatment and support. It doesn't sound like you feel supported at all, it sounds like hospitalization is being held out almost as a threat. People who have never been depressed can often have a hard time understanding it and they react with hostility and criticism. This is not what you need right now. You need understanding and compassion and someone to help you move into effective treatment. Calling a hotline might really help you. Their operators can provide a compassionate listening ear and help you decide what to do next. But please do get treatment.

    I hope you'll let us know how things turn out. PM me if you'd like - I can tell you more about what to expect in the hospital.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Kit Kat, I did not leave the house for 4-5 years straight. So I will just be blunt, you MUST make yourself get out of your house or the chances of getting better will fall dramatically. Staying inside and hiding away from the world comes dark thoughts, loneliness, stress, anxiety, depression. If you need help see a doctor or psych, it will get worse if you continue to stay inside. Good luck to you :hug: