I don't know what to do or who to talk to, because I don't have the strength to burden my friends with my problems, especially when there's nothing they can do to help me. I haven't taken my usual meds in rougly 36 hours because my prescription was late so my usual issues with depression are kicking in and kicking in hard. I hate myself so much right now. I don't understand why my friends put up with me or why my boyfriend even dates me. I'm lazy, I'm stupid, I'm constantly broke because I spend money I don't have even though I lnow I shouldn't. I'm not a good friend and I'm definitely not a good daughter. I can't find a job because I rarely put the effory in to look. I've been unemployed for almosy a year now, applying for anything and everything I can just to generate a source of income but whatever's wrong with me that keeps getting me passed over for even shortlisted I can't figure out beyond clearly even on paper I am a completely pathetic specimen. I'm in debt, I don't have the willpower or money to take up any volunteer work and the only highlight in my life is seeing what few friends can tolerate me. I keep secrets. I lie. And right now I can't think of any good reason to keep going except that the sheer effort to do anything to end my life would be too much effort, and I'm not so far gone to think that it wouldn't upset at least a few people. I don't know what I expect from random strangers who have no reason to read this shit or even care, but I don't know what else to do besides get everything out on an anonymous platform.