Good day everybody I don't feel very good at all. In fact I feel really awful, I feel miserable and I don't feel like I'm worth living, I feel like a liability to everything and everyone. I eat too much sugar, but that is one of my lesser problems. I have failed university twice and now because of the system they prohibit me to come back. There are no alternatives (there is one but they are almost not worth it because it doesn't really give me a advantage when looking for work) which means I will have to get a job. What upsets me the most is how it makes me feel ignorant and dumb. You hear so much talking about people on the internet and in real life graduating yet I cannot succeed. I already had almost no self-confidence but now I just can't take it anymore. I can't stand people not taking me seriously or disrespecting me and considering me dumb, I never wanted this. Another thing that confuses me so much is how I actually don't really want to study. My parents forced me to do it because "I seemed like a smart person" and because of a better future for me or something of that nature. The thing is I feel so indifferent towards any education and I feel demotivated, I never liked studying in the first place. Not that I have to worry about it anymore considering I blew it but I'm not even sure if I know myself that well, if at all. I feel like I've disappointed everybody including myself and it will haunt me for the rest of my life and it really hurts. I don't even know who I am. I don't even have any friends or someone to fall back on, I don't feel like my parents are good for talking about my problems, I tried several times but it always backfired because they don't understand me or my brother feels the need to harass me again and uses what I said in the past as an argument. That really hurts. I never was much of a people's person but sometimes it's really hard to keep going but this is a moment I'm not sure I will overcome. I wouldn't mind seeing a psychologist but I cannot afford it at all without a job and there's no way my parents would pay that for me, they'd call me crazy if I ever told me anything about this and my brother would just use it to mock me again. Doing it in secret could work but I don't have the money. It's just that I feel so unworthy of anything, at this point I feel like everyone is better and/or smarter than me. It's really ironic because I for some strange reason always want to be the best at something but always fail. It still hurts though. All of this can easily be solved by simply hanging myself, but I doubt I even have the courage for that. I just wanted to vent, I feel a little better now. But I don't know what direction I should take, I've been wandering aimlessly for my whole life.