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I feel bad, all the time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Giantantwithatophat, Feb 26, 2011.

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  1. Hey everyone,

    I wasn't even going to register here, I actually barely have the energy to do simple things like that these days.

    And how do I even articulate how I feel?
    It's basically impossible to sum it up in a few lines or paragraphs.
    And I'll probably make shocking spelling and grammar mistakes, for some reasons I do that when I feel really bad.

    I suffer from depression and GAD (anxiety disorder) and have done for years, so much so that it makes doing most things basically impossible.
    Because of my illness I stopped going out years ago (I'm 25 and live with my mum), I have really nothing to do except the part time job my dad is kind enough to keep me in.
    I really have no friends anymore because I cut myself off from them and haven't seen them in 3 years.

    This is the first forum i've tried for a while, I used to post on anxiety related forums, but I found that it'd trigger my feelings of unease.
    Reading about peoples terrible misfortunes and learning that there were people who suffered from the same thing as me for much longer and still didn't feel better didn't help.
    And what could I say to help?

    There is no respite, or help, there's only coping day to day.

    I've been suicidal for a long time, I thought about it, imagined what it'd be like just to be at peace, quite alluring when you feel so bad.
    I don't like complaining about my 'problems' since apart from my self induced isolation there aren't many reasons I should feel this way, perhaps I just have a grim view of the world based on how bad it is.

    I've really never wanted to die, I still don't, at all.
    But I feel backed into a corner, I feel chronically ill ALL the time, apparently that's my anxiety playing up, I'm constantly tense, aching, stomach pains, chest pains, restless, headache etc.

    It feels so pointless, nothing gets any better and the sky just seems so dark, like a shroud of unbelievable .

    ~can't think of anything else to say, for now~
  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome on to the forum. You may find it helps you and it's a good place to vent about how you are feeling. I struggle to articulate also so I find this and blogging really good for that.

    What's your background? Are you under anyone or have been in the past?

  3. sweep

    sweep Well-Known Member

    hi giantantwithatophat :) i like your name :)

    im sorry to read about your struggles and feeling bad all the time :( sorry u feel like this :( i hope u can find support and help soon, im in a very similar situation, i suffer depression and bad anxietys problems. i understand how hard it is to just feel ok, like all these probs wont be as bad if the sadness wasnt always there. i hope things can improve :D that happy place may seem so far away but its still there, just have to get there, and the bit in between will make u a stronger person :)

    im like that, just coping day to day, its like thats all there is, or thats all i can do, just get through each day, sorry ive turned it into me moaning :/ your not alone in feeling like this tho.

    welcome to the forum :)
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I love your online name. Feeling bad all the time is hard. It's distressing too. It's good you are here. A little at a time you'll get something out of what you read here and you'll start finding your path that is good for you. Posting is helpful too. You may want to keep a diary (public or private) as that helps to relieve some of the stress.

    It's great you have a part time job. This gives you some structure that helps keep you grounded.

    My only question is have you had the opportunity to talk to a doctor about how you feel?

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

  5. I don't know what your questions mean, under someone, huh? :blink:

    I've told my doctor I feel depressed but I can't tell her i've felt suicidal or they stop any medication you're on.
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I mean have you seen anyone, like a psychiatrist or your doctor?
  7. No, and I don't plan to either, I don't like talking to people.
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    If you wont talk to people about things then you will end up in a worse position. Say for instance you hurt yourself someway. If you are assessed and you wont talk you will be forced to unless you want a hospital admission so it wont be on your terms. At least if you talk to someone then it's on your terms, it's your choice. Don't worry about talking to people. It's something that would be dealt with compassionatly and with care. Docs are used to mental health problems. A third of their patients have mental health issues.

  9. I don't mean I'm mute or that I would flat out refuse to speak to someone, I just mean I won't talk to someone I don't know about how I feel.

    It seems quite pointless as well.
  10. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Why is it pointless. I understand where you are coming from about talking to people as that is one of my issues. I don't talk to people I know and have big trust issues so I am selective about who I talk to about things. It's taken me ages to open up to the counsellor. I have been having these cycles on and off for just over 4 years, which is nothing compared to some of the people on here. It can take the right person to speak to. It would be worth going to your doc, explaining that you feel ... and get some help. You don't have to say first off what it is that is making you feel like that but after a while you may find that you can trust someone enough to begin to open up.

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