I feel betrayed

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jazzmeister, Oct 27, 2015.

  1. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    I feel so broken...

    You see, for the past 1.5 years, I've been seeing this guy, who has a GF. We've done a lot of things together like went out on dates, told each other about our problems, helped him on his major problems, frequently talking to each other, exchanged gifts, even came to the point when we had sex. I sacrificed a lot to give him what he wanted and needed. At one point, he told me he loved me as well and nothing will change between us. We planned that in the future we will work abroad and live together. All of this while his GF was oblivious.

    Everything was going so well, he understood me and I understood him. That was until the other day when he asked me that, though he will be paying for it, he told me to order online a women's watch to give to his GF for her birthday even though he knows that doing so is against me. I really felt uncomfortable to do it and he know it too since he knows that I see his GF as a rival for his affection. The worst part was that when I told him that I was uncomfortable doing so, h said that it would be okay since he will be happy at me for doing this for him.

    So after everything that I did for him, all the tender words and moments we shared, it would be okay for him to ask me to do something for him so that his GF would love him more and the pain of doing something like that for him has an equal value of him smiling at me, a few hugs and maybe an offer of sex?

    I haven't spoken to him much since then and he knows that I am sad about the whole thing. I asked if he was serious about what he asked since he retracted his request. He told me that I should just forget about the request he said and it feels like he's throwing a tantrum at me. Shouldn't it be me should be angry?

    I don't know what to do or think about the whole thing now. I still like him but...
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There is one person that has the right to be angry and upset, but unfortunately that person is oblivious. If this guy is willing to see you on the side and have no regards for the way his GF feels or would feel, why would you expect him to have any regard for your feelings?
    2 people like this.
  3. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    I thought that after everything we've been through and after everything he complained about his GF that there would be something.

    I mean, when he asked for help from his GF on something really important like he needs money to give to his family back home for medicine and stuff, she gets angry at him and they fight but I give it to him even with that simple explanation. She easily gets jealous and goes overboard when angry. After all the sacrifices I did for him, I thought I would have a chance.

    He apologized the other day after I told him about how I felt but I'm not completely sure how he feels about everything. I believe he is still okay for us to continue what we have.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Kick him to the curb!

    The guy is a player, he has both of you dangling on a string and possibly more that you and the girl friend.
    Once a cheat always a cheat.
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    He has another family back home? he has a GF here and he has you?, he gets money from you to send back home?
    I am sorry Yes by all means kick him to the curb, I will not say any more,
  6. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am sorry, you were and are being betrayed, I M H O
  7. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    The family elsewhere is his parents and siblings. He comes from a different province but just works here. He is a blue collar worker and he doesn't earn much. With his mother on maintenance drugs and his siblings need medicine sometimes or something, they sometimes ask him for money which he doesn't have much. During those times, he ask his GF for help but most of the time, she doesn't lend him money and gets angry at him at times and then a fight follows. He will then ask me if he can borrow money and tell me the reason. I lend him money then.

    For the record, I never told this in any of my previous post. I'm gay so yeah I'm a guy who is in love with a guy who has a GF.

    He has complained about his GF a lot of times before like she doesn't lend him money even when it's for something really important, she doesn't allow him to go to social gatherings without her out of a possibility that he would socialize with some other girl, she gets mad when she doesn't get her way like when she asks him to buy her shoes but he refuses. She even got so angry that she even tried to bring his company id and phone with her to her job so that he won't be able to come to work unless he comes after her and apologize.

    About our relationship, when I met him, he told me he has a GF but i still told him that he was my crush. We became close friends, we helped each other a lot of time then after a while, we did stuff friends don't really do normally like one on one dining, movie dates with cuddling, oral sex, sweet texts and calls. During work, when we ran into each other, we would interact playfully like giving high fives with a short hold hands, joking around and stuff. We couldn't really show our affection at work due to work ethics, our coworkers know he has a GF, and because I am gay. Once, during his birthday, I learned his native dialect, baked for him which is the first time for me to bake in my life, and wrote him a love letter. He said he really loved how I planned to celebrate his bday and then told me he love. That was the first time he told me that since he just normally say, "Same to you" when I told him I love him.

    We've been doing all that for almost 2 years now. He then resigned from our company but he apologized to me for leaving but he promised that nothing will change between us. He left our company to work in the same company as his GF but since he works on the opposite shift as his GF, we meet up every once in a while.

    Truth be told, his GF is a little suspicious about the two of us but everytime she gets suspicious, he said he will handle it then the next day, everything is fine. Whenever, he and his GF fights, he doesn't tell our coworkers except for me which I take as him seeking comfort and support.
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ah so a case of having your cake and eat it.
    Or is the GF a cover?
    He's obviously still firmly in the closet, or he's bi; either way it's you and the GF who will end up paying the price of his indecision or outright cheating.
  9. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    Well I am trying to date other guys without him knowing. If he doesn't becomes my partner, at least I have other chances but he is still my priority.

    I really don't understand what is it with their relationship. They've been together for about 3 years and I'm just basing everything I say about the girl from what he tells me. I've met her before she can be a nasty person at times. I was at the receiving end of one of her rants when she first became suspicious though at the time it was both her and my fault: my fault for saying something I didn't know was a word of endearment in her dialect and her fault for misunderstanding the context
  10. Unicorns_Grace

    Unicorns_Grace Active Member

    oh gosh this is a love triangle
    its hard to have strong feelings for someone who is with somebody else
    your doing the right thing by trying to date other guys but if it was me id personally tell the guy I was commit or quit...
    do you think you could ever just be friends with the guy? no I love yous or anything intimate at all?

    I'm sorry you been made to feel this way I hope you find the solution you need soon
  11. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Due respect, it sounds like the girlfriend has very valid reason to be both jealous and a nasty person. If I were in her position, I would be both of those, as well. It's very likely she already knows about the two of you. It sounds like she may, judging by the way she treated you. Girlfriends and boyfriends with cheating partners have a tendency to figure things out. Whether from their suspicions, or from their partner leaving tracks behind.

    Being that you're a guy, this really complicates the situation. Is she his cover? If so, I'd say get out as quickly as possible. If after this long he's still not "out" and still using his cover, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news but... He's never gonna be out, and this is never gonna work. I've been in your shoes, and they rarely ever leave their cover.
  12. jazzmeister

    jazzmeister Active Member

    I can still be his friend, just not sure I can without being sweet though.

    She actually does have an inkling about us though it started out from a misunderstanding from a message i sent to him. Whenever that happens, he said he will take care of it then the next day, I don't hear anything else from her.

    I feel that deep inside me, I know that we will never be truly together as long as she's around.

    It's just really painful to let him and my feelings go. He's the only person that I fell in love with that didn't show as much, if not at all, any disgust towards me because of my orientation. He never made jokes about me, still treated me as much as any other guy but with some differences due to my orientation and relationship, is very nice and friendly, and so much more. He has everything that I looked for in a man. He even admitted that if it weren't for her, he would have chosen me as his partner.

    I've given so much for our relationship that I'm not sure if I can open up my heart to anyone else nor am i sure if i can handle going through this thing then end up dumped again. Another thing that keeps me from letting go is how much I have invested in our relationship. I don't want to think and/or feel that for almost 2 years, I was only being used and that I treated him as some gigolo to have fun with. Lastly, I don't want to leave the relationship out of fear of being alone forever. I'm not attractive both in face and body, I'm not that smart, not athletic, a big nerd, and a bit of a pushover. All I'm going for me is being a loyal, caring, sympathetic, and friendly person but in my experience and what others have told me, those characteristics can only take you so far. That will only always land me in the friendzone.

    Some have told me to try to act differently but if people liked me for an act, not how I actually am, is that really love? Others have told me that just stop seeking and let nature run its course. If there is anything I have learned in life, it is that my fate sucks. All I have is bad luck. If there is one thing I want to have control of, it is who I want to spend the rest of my life is.

    All in all, the conclusion I have come to up until now is that I'll always be alone. No one is going to ever love me for me. All I'm good for is pleasing others while my own happiness is sacrificed. I'm losing sight of even the point of living. My family and friends don't know that I am gay and their the only thing keeping me attached to this world. Once they learn and reject me, there won't be anything left. I have nothing else to live for. I thought be being kind and generous to other people will fill me with enough positivity to find meaning in my life but it doesn't help much.

    I sometimes think that a scenario in a game I played and am starting to see the point in its message. Maybe it would be better to die in hope, even false hope, than taking what little chance you have and face the rest of my life and most probably arrive at my own grave still alone.