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I feel close..

#1
I don’t really know what to say here, other than I feel as though I’m as close now to finishing as I’ve ever been. I just keep getting hit harder and harder with life, and because of my personality I can’t find a way around it. My “family and friends” see me as a funny strong guy with mental health issues, they pass me around from one person to the next, only so they can say they did their best. I’m outwardly confident, but I’m constantly in and out of psychiatric care. Because I work and earn good money they think that’s ok. My daughter has just turned 15 and is displaying similar personality traits as me, she is breaking down. We have grown apart since my spilt with her mum, and we now live in different cities. My heart is broken with this, and in so many other ways. The only thing I can think about is sleep, but I really don’t want to wake up, my daughter doesn’t need me, I’ve only been a bad influence on her - I can’t watch her go down the same route as I have, I don’t want to do this but I can’t help feeling that this would be the best solution for us all. I’m not having a pity party, please believe me I’ve been in this same state most of my life, and it’s now got to the point that I’ve got more reasons to go than to stay ? If anyone can tell me how to try with life when I can see no happiness, no enthusiasm ? I can’t eat I don’t like tv or music anymore... full disclosure- I have bi polar / bpd / ptsd - but they are diagnoses but not the definition of me...
 

GMody

Well-Known Member
#2
Your daughter is the reason to stay alive. If you die she will be in a worst state than she is now. You and her both need counseling or therapy to work things out. Many a times people around us are indifferent or don't care much. We can't do much about that. I also have bipolar disorder and am taking meds.
 
#4
Your daughter is the reason to stay alive. If you die she will be in a worst state than she is now. You and her both need counseling or therapy to work things out. Many a times people around us are indifferent or don't care much. We can't do much about that. I also have bipolar disorder and am taking meds.
Thank you so much for replying. I’m in the U.K. there is no real therapy available, other than as an inpatient (which I’ve experienced). Her clear mental health issues are apparently hereditary, my father was bi polar (manic depressive back then) one sister is BP my brother is the same but without diagnosis. My grandmother committed suicide after a lifetime of depression... I can’t watch my baby go through this, I do have faith that we can be reunited after this life and that we could be happier with a knowledge of how we suffered in the flesh. That said I love her so much I’m still torn
 

Holding my breath

Well-Known Member
#5
Your daughter is the reason to stay alive. If you die she will be in a worst state than she is now. You and her both need counseling or therapy to work things out. Many a times people around us are indifferent or don't care much. We can't do much about that. I also have bipolar disorder and am taking meds.
Thank you so much for replying. I’m in the U.K. there is no real therapy available, other than as an inpatient (which I’ve experienced). Her clear mental health issues are apparently hereditary, my father was bi polar (manic depressive back then) one sister is BP my brother is the same but without diagnosis. My grandmother committed suicide after a lifetime of depression... I can’t watch my baby go through this, I do have faith that we can be reunited after this life and that we could be happier with a knowledge of how we suffered in the flesh. That said I love her so much I’m still torn
Would it not be worth trying to fight this? Break the cycle and find your own path. Your inspiration for this is to find a path that you can teach/show your daughter. Who better than you, who fully understands to help and support her? I’m in the uk, don’t give up asking for help and support. I know it’s tough but you need to fight this and get the support you deserve. Go back to you gp or mental health team and tell them how bad it is. The more honest you are the better, they will be to get you the support you need. If you are able to find a way to make life easier then your daughter stands a chance of doing it to.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
clearly your daughter would suffer if you checked out early. and as your daughter matures she will come back to you. if you're alive you can help her through this. and i agree completely with @Holding my breath be honest with medical health providers. the more honest you are the more they can help you. i hope you can find a path to wellbeing...mike...*hug*shake
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
Hi there, I am sorry to hear how much you are hurting and sorry to hear you are worried for your daughter.

Talk to your daughter - if these are very new symptoms/traits she is displaying she has a better chance of full recovery if she gets the help she needs now, not 10 years down the line.

Who better to help her? You, you understand where she is mind-wise to some extent, ask her if she needs to talk to someone, if she says yes, send her to a psychologist as soon as possible, helping her now may help her to never getting to a suicidal mind frame.

Do your best to help her and] get help yourself and keep doing it until the help starts making a difference to your lives. Please never leave her, she will never get over it. Ever.

SF is here for you no matter what, no buts or ifs, you've been given great advice on this thread already and we're here to help you through this *hug
 
#8
Would it not be worth trying to fight this? Break the cycle and find your own path. Your inspiration for this is to find a path that you can teach/show your daughter. Who better than you, who fully understands to help and support her? I’m in the uk, don’t give up asking for help and support. I know it’s tough but you need to fight this and get the support you deserve. Go back to you gp or mental health team and tell them how bad it is. The more honest you are the better, they will be to get you the support you need. If you are able to find a way to make life easier then your daughter stands a chance of doing it to.
I’ve woken up this morning and got myself to work, but I can’t function. I feel the same despite reading all the kind words here. I’m just going to take each day as it comes. Thank you very much.
 

Holding my breath

Well-Known Member
#9
I’ve woken up this morning and got myself to work, but I can’t function. I feel the same despite reading all the kind words here. I’m just going to take each day as it comes. Thank you very much.[/QUOTE]

Well done for getting to work. It’s all we can do, take each day as it comes. Try to focus on just today. Just one hour at a time. Set yourself a small goal each hour so you can feel you’ve achieved something, however small. Getting up and into work this morning is your first achievement today. Keep talking on here and let us know how your day goes. Take care. Xx
 
#10
Hi there, I am sorry to hear how much you are hurting and sorry to hear you are worried for your daughter.

Talk to your daughter - if these are very new symptoms/traits she is displaying she has a better chance of full recovery if she gets the help she needs now, not 10 years down the line.

Who better to help her? You, you understand where she is mind-wise to some extent, ask her if she needs to talk to someone, if she says yes, send her to a psychologist as soon as possible, helping her now may help her to never getting to a suicidal mind frame.

Do your best to help her and] get help yourself and keep doing it until the help starts making a difference to your lives. Please never leave her, she will never get over it. Ever.

SF is here for you no matter what, no buts or ifs, you've been given great advice on this thread already and we're here to help you through this *hug
Thank you, but I can’t help myself, let alone her. I just can’t get away from myself - I’m the only person in this world I truly don’t like and I have to live with myself my illness and my constant mistakes. I also know how pathetic that all sounds...
 
#11
Your daughter is the reason to stay alive. If you die she will be in a worst state than she is now. You and her both need counseling or therapy to work things out. Many a times people around us are indifferent or don't care much. We can't do much about that. I also have bipolar disorder and am taking meds.
I understand the impact it will have, but it’s just so hard to find anything to hang around for. I know that is incredibly selfish. I’m on 100mg of quetiapine which is the minimum amount I can take and almost function. Can I ask what meds you take ?
 
#16
Is it not worth asking your gp to increase your meds? Why are you on the lowest dose?
I can’t function on a higher dose, I’m a heating engineer and work with gas, it’s dangerous if I’m not all there, I take 100mg because my doctor says that’s the lowest diss that can help stabilise my moods. I’ve tried other medications but none have really been effective - I know I should have been upping the dose...
 
#18
Would it not be worth trying to fight this? Break the cycle and find your own path. Your inspiration for this is to find a path that you can teach/show your daughter. Who better than you, who fully understands to help and support her? I’m in the uk, don’t give up asking for help and support. I know it’s tough but you need to fight this and get the support you deserve. Go back to you gp or mental health team and tell them how bad it is. The more honest you are the better, they will be to get you the support you need. If you are able to find a way to make life easier then your daughter stands a chance of doing it to.
I’m feeling a bit clearer now, but who knows how it’ll last, I’m dealing with other personal things as well as my own self loathing and sense of failure because I’ve possibly passed this shit condition on to the person I love most in the world. I’m so grateful to have found this forum, I wish I could find people in real life that I could just sit down with and talk with.
 
#19
Would it not be worth trying to fight this? Break the cycle and find your own path. Your inspiration for this is to find a path that you can teach/show your daughter. Who better than you, who fully understands to help and support her? I’m in the uk, don’t give up asking for help and support. I know it’s tough but you need to fight this and get the support you deserve. Go back to you gp or mental health team and tell them how bad it is. The more honest you are the better, they will be to get you the support you need. If you are able to find a way to make life easier then your daughter stands a chance of doing it to.
I’m feeling a bit clearer now, but who knows how it’ll last, I’m dealing with other personal things as well as my own self loathing and sense of failure because I’ve possibly passed this shit condition on to the person I love most in the world. I’m so grateful to have found this forum, I wish I could find people in real life that I could just sit down with and talk with.
Pleased you are feeling a little clearer for now. I can understand how devastating it must be to know you’re daughter is struggling too but you have to remember that it is not your fault. Keep telling yourself that. Perhaps when the time is right you can point her in the direction of this forum too. This forum is a life safer, literally for a lot of people including me. Now you’ve found us, you know where we are. Keep coming back and keep taking. We are all in this together. Xx
 
#20
Pleased you are feeling a little clearer for now. I can understand how devastating it must be to know you’re daughter is struggling too but you have to remember that it is not your fault. Keep telling yourself that. Perhaps when the time is right you can point her in the direction of this forum too. This forum is a life safer, literally for a lot of people including me. Now you’ve found us, you know where we are. Keep coming back and keep taking. We are all in this together. Xx
Thank you, it’s so reassuring to know that you are all here and know how I’m feeling x
 

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