I feel crazy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ragermoon, Jul 13, 2016.

  1. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    Last night my boyfriend walked in on me hurting myself. I could tell he was very shocked. I was panicking and crying hysterically, but instead of reassuring me that things would be okay, that he loved me etc. He said nothing and went to bed. This made me feel a million times worse and I cried nonstop for several hours until the sun came up. He's a good person and has always been there for me when I've had a meltdown. I don't know if he was just shocked because he saw what I was doing with his own eyes, but I can't help but feel like he's mad at or ashamed of me. He's textbook perfect, everybody loves him and I'm just the fucked-up crazy girlfriend. I wish I didn't have these terrible meltdowns or the urge to hurt myself. And even though his reaction really hurt me I feel enormously guilty for putting him through this. I don't even wish for happiness anymore I just want to be normal and content. Why does this seem so impossible... :(
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    *hugs* what about giving him something to read on why people self harm.
     
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  3. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    Thank you for your reply :rolleyes: this is a good idea, I briefly thought about it at first but felt embarrassed... I don't think he's ever dealt with this kind of thing before... but I'll try to be brave.
     
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  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi ragermoon, a lot of people, A LOT find it very difficult to understand mental illness unless they have been affected by it themselves. I would suggest taking it slowly and explain to him it is an illness just like a physical illness. I really wish the best for you and hope in time he will have a better understanding of what he walked in on ((hugs))
     
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  5. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    Thank you for your reply. I hope explaining it the way you described can help him to understand better. It's hard to watch someone be confused and hurt by your actions but feel unable to explain why you do it.