I feel dead already

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lazarus70, Sep 5, 2016.

  1. Lazarus70

    Lazarus70 Active Member

    I've hated myself so much this past year that I've grown numb. I deserve to suffer for what I've done....cheating on my wife for over a year, losing my job and our apartment, unable to find another well-paying job...I'm numb...I have no more tears left.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello @Lazarus70 I am really sorry you are going through this right now, we all make mistakes, each and every one of us have messed up at times. Has your wife left you? Is there any chance of reconciliation? I hope so and even if there isn't, you will find someone else that you can make happy and special. One mistake does not define you as a person. It just doesn't. Please be more gentle with yourself, you seem like a nice person, I would suggest you get counselling, it can really work wonders. :)
  3. Lazarus70

    Lazarus70 Active Member

    Thank you @Petal ... there is a chance at reconciliation. The problem is me. I don't know that I want to stay married. My wife is a wonderful person. I'm not. I used to be. But I've become self-centered and resentful. I was cruel to her by being dishonest and denying I was having an affair. She suspected. I lied. We could reconcile. But I don't feel like it. I don't know that I'm capable of giving her what she needs. I'm emotionally stunted. I'm in counseling. It's helped a little...but I still feel empty inside and hopeless. I have feelings for another person. But I have a son with special needs and divorcing feels selfish. There must be something wrong with me that I don't feel like staying with such a kind and loving person.