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I feel dead inside

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by J185, Sep 28, 2012.

  1. J185

    J185 Member

    I feel like a fkn zombie. Actually, when I think about it now, even a fking zombie seems like its enjoying itself more than I am in my life. I try to go out, socialize, drink, whatever but its written all over my face and body language. It's almost impossible for me to enjoy myself anymore. I try to, I really do, but I can't for some reason anymore. I'm scared that I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life. I was seriously lonely as fk, I used to believe that I really could be a great lover, and even better companion, but each day that goes by I'm slowly beginning to realize that I'm too fucked up for anyone to accept. Nobody understands what I mean when I say that. Not even my closest friends. I'm not a bad person or anything, I don't go out of my way to hurt people or anything like that, but I still can't figure out why I can't get anything to work. My friends have told me that I'm attracted to the wrong type of girl. Maybe they're right, but I refuse to be with someone who I don't feel that attraction towards, I know they have feelings too, and I don't wanna hurt or confuse anyone, it's simply not fair, or right, so I'm alone. I don't know what hurts more now, being lonely, rejected, and unwanted, or realizing I'm too fucked up for anyone to be with. I have basically given up. I've tried almost everything, nothing has worked. I've apologized to whatever power is out there, sincerely, but still I keep getting fucked. I am beginning to really believe that this is my life, and this is what I deserve for whatever reason. Oh well fuck it.....
  2. in heaven

    in heaven Well-Known Member

    i feel dead too. i remember the fight club quote when you've lost everything, you're free to do anything
    feel almost too dead to care about anything
  3. ripples

    ripples Member

    Alcohol is a depressant!
  4. ripples

    ripples Member

    Also, why would you expect your friends to understand, and why does it matter when they don't? Don't really understan the nature of your post, seems to be a multifaceted complaint about depression and possible acelibacy, am i right? You need to know what you are asking for, ego stroking is useless.
  5. J185

    J185 Member

    I ain't asking for shit, it's called venting <mod edit-gentlelady-inflammatory>
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2012
  6. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    feel like that too sometimes. with people i usually fake it and smile but inside i feel nothing. i find it so hard to feel anything for most people, yes i love my family [small..just two people] but i find it hard to feel, connect with anyone. i guess i have trust issues and am quite guarded. im hoping in time this will change and that i will change. hope this happens for you. i dont really mind too much about being on my own but dont like to be totally isolated.