I feel desperate

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SunShine1973, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    I joined here the other day as I felt I could no longer go on and I found it a helpful distraction I've had a flu last couple of weeks and been off work although I have recovered physically I don't feel like I can return to work but what my problem is is that I'm just so unkind to myself when I was ill with the flu I was constantly being mean to myself and telling myself that I was to blame for my illness because I'm so unhealthy in the first place now I have recovered physically I need to build myself back up mentally and be used to doing things physically again as I've just sat about for 2 weeks my job is quite physically demanding I certainly need to build myself back up mentally to but all I do is give myself a hard time for my mental health telling myself that I'm just weak and pathetic that I'm a fake that I should be able to cope and just get on with it but I just can't I can't face people I struggle to even speak or reply to a text I dread the day starting I just don't want to wake up I can't stand what greets me in the mirror I hate myself my face my body I am trapped in this never ending cycle if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a mother I would have left this life by now I'm sure thanks for listening
     
  2. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hello SunShine, I am Mox

    Thank you for joining us at SF. Thank you for sharing your situation with us. If you get bored feel free to read my story below in green. Here you are safe. No one will judge you. No one will ridicule you. That behavior is not tolerated here.

    First things first *BIGHUG You sound like you are having a rough night. Thank you for lettings us know you are upset. Now I can try and help you. Don't expect miracles, I am just a man. =)

    You are being so hard on yourself, why? Be kind to yourself. No, I don't agree with you being weak and pathetic, your a mom. Moms are awesome.

    I am having a hard time understanding, what you have written here tonight. It seems like there is a lot, that you haven't shared. I personally would love to hear more about you. Tell me about your child. Tell me everything.

    Seems to be a lot of tension around your job, are you happy there?

    Are you seeing a mental health specialist? If you are hanging out at site called Suicide Forum, it is probably a good idea.

    You sound very tense, I see that you are online. Will you turn your chat on and talk to me? I'm not half bad at chatting.

    *hug

    Be kind to yourself, your child needs you.

    Feel free to IM/PM me anytime.

    Take Care
     
  3. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    Thank you for responding Mox you really made me smile by saying moms are awesome I really appreciate that.

    I'm hard on myself about not being able to work because I've been off work before with depression and I create this fear of going back that is a bigger fear than it needs to be really I do know that but I also berate myself that I should be able to cope I even blamed myself for my flu telling myself it's because I'm so unhealthy. My issues probably seem very minor I struggle to explain it all really.

    I have recently been discharged from the mental health team because I was doing so well I am on medication and I am currently having counselling via a rape and abuse organisation so I do have things in place I've just had a massive crash in my mental health since having this recent bout of illness and I just don't seem to be able to pick myself back up again thanks for replying typing this out is actually helping me it's good to be able to just be completely open here and honest as I find it difficult to talk to those in my life well I don't really have friends close enough to tell them that I feel so low that I think I would be better off dead sometime or the fact that living in my own head makes me want to die so it's good to use this forum thank you Xx
     
  4. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Promise that, if this happens again, you will let me know? You sound like a very good person, you sound very kind and caring. Some fights, we can not fight by ourselves, that is when you call in "backup". We are your backup, don't be afraid to reach out if you feel like you are struggling. You are going to have your good days, awesome. You are going to have your bad days, not awesome. When you have bad day, let us know. *hug

    Wishing you the best *hug

    Take Care My New Friend =)