I feel done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CA88, Jan 5, 2014.

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  1. CA88

    CA88 New Member

    I basically feel done I have no more energy left to go on and life is just a burden and a curse to me. This is my story:

    I’m 25 years old and live in a small town in west Wales where there is basically nothing I have been fighting with depression for as long as I can remember. During my teenage years I sort out help I’ve been on lots of different anti depressants and talk to a few therapists but no one knows what to do me they just gave me some new pills or upped the dosage.

    I tried to kill myself 7 years ago because I had enough of everything, life was just a constant struggle with no hope for the future. I grew up with a violent alcoholic step dad who would hit my mother and bully my younger sister I always had to step in and stop him, which ended up in a physical fight. Despite this happening my mother would always take him back I feel this has just left me damaged and not normal.

    After failing to kill myself I forced myself to go to uni and got a psychology degree as I thought I could help people having first hand experience of depression and suicide. Unfortunately that didn’t work out and after graduation I have been doing random jobs. I just started at a local accountancy firm doing basic office work and data entry and will then go through the ACA qualification but I hate it so much the work environment is just so depressing and not stimulating in any way it feels robotic. Throughout all of this I have never been able to develop a relationship with someone, as quite frankly I just don’t know how and don’t know how someone could care about me.

    I have always used thoughts of suicide as a type of coping mechanism hoping things will get better but they never do. I just have overwhelming feelings of just not wanting to live and feel that there is no point or meaning in anything I am constantly miserable and lonely, don’t go out often anymore and nothing brings me joys. I feel so apathetic and as a result drink more to cope I just don’t know what to do anymore.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling so low You doc has to change your meds them ok there are newer meds out there that can work if not meds newer therapy as well or ECT even last choice but if nothing else works then that may help you
     
  3. CA88

    CA88 New Member

    Thanks for the reply sorry for the cofusion but i am not on meds or see therapists anymore i see them both pointless attempts at trying to finds answers to questions they can't answer. Granted there may be other methods but none i am probably able to partake in. Its impossible to get a doctors appointment around here and even if i managed to they would just put me back on meds and therapy.
     
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