I basically feel done I have no more energy left to go on and life is just a burden and a curse to me. This is my story: I’m 25 years old and live in a small town in west Wales where there is basically nothing I have been fighting with depression for as long as I can remember. During my teenage years I sort out help I’ve been on lots of different anti depressants and talk to a few therapists but no one knows what to do me they just gave me some new pills or upped the dosage. I tried to kill myself 7 years ago because I had enough of everything, life was just a constant struggle with no hope for the future. I grew up with a violent alcoholic step dad who would hit my mother and bully my younger sister I always had to step in and stop him, which ended up in a physical fight. Despite this happening my mother would always take him back I feel this has just left me damaged and not normal. After failing to kill myself I forced myself to go to uni and got a psychology degree as I thought I could help people having first hand experience of depression and suicide. Unfortunately that didn’t work out and after graduation I have been doing random jobs. I just started at a local accountancy firm doing basic office work and data entry and will then go through the ACA qualification but I hate it so much the work environment is just so depressing and not stimulating in any way it feels robotic. Throughout all of this I have never been able to develop a relationship with someone, as quite frankly I just don’t know how and don’t know how someone could care about me. I have always used thoughts of suicide as a type of coping mechanism hoping things will get better but they never do. I just have overwhelming feelings of just not wanting to live and feel that there is no point or meaning in anything I am constantly miserable and lonely, don’t go out often anymore and nothing brings me joys. I feel so apathetic and as a result drink more to cope I just don’t know what to do anymore.