I had two things I was waiting for, two things I set in my mind as a guage to know if it was time to end this struggle. The first happened about a month ago when my wife had a miscarriage. The second happened today. I have been on antidepressants for about 5 weeks so my feelings are not as strong but from an intellectual level I know this is it, it is time to quit. Beleive me if the feelings were strong I wouldnt be here typing this, the medications see to it that the feelings stay under a certain threshold. But like I said, I feel like it is over, I am never going to win at this thing called life and never going to experience this enigma called happiness. There is only so much suffering someone can take and I've just spilled over. The meds keep me alive now but I really dont want to exist anymore. I dont want to feel, I dont want to fight, I'm done. There still is a very small spark in me not wanting to die, for things to get better. Does anyone have any magical words to ignite this? To make me feel better? To make these feelings go away? To make me look forward to the future with hope instead of dreading every breath of every day? To make me not look forward to the times when I am asleep because they seem to be the only times I am happy? Anyone?