I feel empty and alone

[Mepi]

So I don't know what to do...

My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me, and he started dating a colleague within a week.
He knows I sometimes deal with depression, but I usually keep up the tough act because he also had some bad moments where I felt that I needed to be strong.
He went to his new girlfriend today. I cried. I told him that I wasn't sure if I would still be here if he came back because I just feel abandoned and replaced. But he still went.
I've got scratch wounds all over my arms and I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm not sure if I actually want to die. I still have things to live for, I think, but I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I feel like nothing will matter. Nobody cares. My phone was off for 2 days and I haven't had a single message or phone call.

And now that asshole is having a party with his new girlfriend while I'm sitting here thinking about killing myself. I really don't matter...

 

[WolfGoddess]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, a breakup can be so difficult under any circumstances but on top of existing depression I can't even imagine.

I hope you'll keep sharing your thoughts and feelings here, I know for me just having somewhere to share can help a little.

 

[Were all together]

Hello Mepi,
Welcome to the forum. First, YOU DO matter here. And, you wont need to put on a tough act for us. Sorry about your relationship. But, you may see in time, it was for the better for you. Don't look at this as an ending. But, a new beginning for you. You still have a lot of things to live for, Don't lose sight of that. Take this as a minor setback. There is always someone better for you, out there. Also, look at it this way. Will his new girlfriend stick with him through his bad times? He may find, she wont. You've been given an opportunity here, seize it. You just may have a better situation coming in the future.

 

[Lara_C]

Welcome @Mepi. I'd say you had a lucky escape as your ex clearly lacks a sensitivity chip. You're in shock at the appalling way he treated you, but it's mainly your illusions about him that you've lost, and your mind will catch up with the reality of what he really is in time. Treat yourself kindly right now, and go completely dark on him. Don't sit around on your own waiting for him to text or call, but call your girlfriends, invite them round, get new interests, and get out there. Get some new outfits you like maybe, a new hairdo etc, and prove to him you're enjoying your freedom. You deserve better than him, and you will get it if you keep going.

 

[Mepi]

Thank you. It does feel good to get this off my chest. I just feel like those 6 years haven't meant a thing, and I just feel like it's too much right now...

 

[Lara_C]

Unfortunately, your prince turned out to be a frog, @Mepi, but you will have learned something about what you need in a future partner, and in time, the grief will fade. Just be sure to take extra care of yourself at this time, and find things to do which distract you from thinking about him all the time. One day at a time...

 

[Were all together]

Thank you. It does feel good to get this off my chest. I just feel like those 6 years haven't meant a thing, and I just feel like it's too much right now...

6 years is a long time. And yes, its gonna hurt. I'm sure it has meant something to both of you. But, for whatever reason he thinks he'll be happier with another. Which may be a mistake for him. Dont be surprised to hear from him again in the future. You on the other hand, have been hurt by his actions. I would highly suggest moving forward, not backwards. Do as @Lara_C suggests. You are much better and matured then he is. You will find a much better person for you, in the near future. His loss is your gain.

 

[WolfGoddess]

Over time there will probably be things you can look back on as lessons learned, but there's no rush to get to that, just make sure you're ok for now ::hugs::

 

[Ash600]

Hi Mepi, all I can add is what basically everyone here has already said. I can understand it's hurting now, but it doesn't always have to be like this. Things can improve, no reason why it can't, you've mentioned that you still have things to live for. Then go ahead and live for those things, and see this maybe as a lucky escape from that guy, why beat yourself up over this for someone who has little thought for you?
How about turning things around, instead of seeing this as all negative, see it as a lucky escape, and an opportunity for a new chapter to open up in your life with hopefully someone who will appreciate it more in it.

Welcome to this forum by the way, keep on posting, whatever you feel comfortable with and hope you'll find some peace of mind here.

Take care and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Fairlady300zx]

I understand how it feels if thus is the right way of putting it to be left behind

 

[Petal]

Hello @Mepi

Welcome to the suicide forums, we're glad to have you here but terribly sorry for bad you are feeling right now.

I am sorry your boyfriend of 6 years broke up with you just like that but your self worth and self value lies within not on him.

Learn to love yourself and treat yourself better. Of course, its a crap time right now but if he didn't care enough to even check how you were, he is simply not worth it.

You are stronger, tomorrow get up and go for a walk, breathe in the fresh air and look at the nature, engage in the beauty that it is and remember you are strong enough to defeat these feelings of wanting to die.

Have you seen a doctor about your depression, I think that would be for the best, counseling could also help a lot too, you're not alone.

You might not have had any calls in 2 days but this is a place you will not be ignored nor judged. I hope your suicidal thoughts ease off soon.

 

[Mepi]

So I thought I was doing okay, and then yesterday happened.
My ex came home from work and he wanted to talk, but he was already worked up pretty bad. He shouted at me and got aggressive, but he didn't try to hurt me or anything.
He then called his mother to come over and calm him down. His mother then called his father. Note: I was in bed because I've got an infection in my shoulder and a fever. I was not feeling well...
His father arrived first and started talking to me. He kept getting more and more verbal and started creeping into the bedroom (I had already told the ex that he wasn't allowed in anymore). His father ended up shouting at me for not listening to him.
His proposal was that, because I'm still a student, I just have to go to student housing because that's the easiest way. I disagreed. I don't want to give up my entire house to live in a single bedroom without my pets.
So his father got pretty aggressive too and I just ended up crying and shouting 'GO AWAY'. His mom arrived and quickly defused the situation. I felt so unsafe. His father was blocking my only exit and he was shouting and making aggressive movements...

In the end, they all went away and now I'm alone. I haven't had a meal since yesterday afternoon and I just feel like crap. Right now the best option for me is to just <mod edit - method> and just don't feel the pain anymore. People won't be mad at me anymore because I also want to keep my own interest in mind, and people certainly won't miss me. My ex even told me once that he hoped I would just get hit by a bus so that there wouldn't be any more trouble and he could just stay.

 

[Woowoo]

Hey @Mepi

I hope that you're feeling a bit better than you were, but if you're still having a difficult time, please know that we're still here to listen and support you if you need it. I hope you manage to have a good birthday

 

[memyselfand1]

Hey I am sorry to hear that your ex broke up with you, how are things now? It will take awhile for you to get you head around thing especially with seeing him etc.
How are things now?

 

[stapmatt]

Hey. Sounds like your bf is a total prat and you don't need him anyway. Take comfort in the fact his new girlfriend will probably experience the same as you. You really don't need him. That doesn't make it any better for how you feel right now :-(