I didn't really know whether to post or where to post this, but theres alot in my head right now that i just wanted to write down . . . So here it is . . . To put it in the simplest terms - I feel like its over, at least I want it to be soon, through months of me thinking that I couldn't be honest with counsellors etc, I finally was. Maybe I was expecting for everything to be better once it was all out in the open (which was daft of me) and its not better. Everything has just gotten 10 times harder. I can't deal with how i'm feeling, everything feels unreal and like it could fall to pieces at any second, and then i'll just be stuck alone with my thoughts and feelings. I don't want to be alone, yet I am - My mates have gone and i'm left with no one (again) I'm tired of trying to change, In some ways its like I don't want to feel better, like I want some reason to end everything because I know even if I do feel better for abit these feelings will never leave, but at the same time I would like to carry on living. I don't want to upset my family although I know me dying might do. But I've already caused them so much pain. And I know I'll carry on upsetting them unless I end it (surely dying will only upset them once more and then they can move on and then they can be happy or happier.) I already feel dead, empty and fake inside, now I need to die, I need this nothing-ness to end. I'm sorry for writing, and I'm not looking for people to tell me not to do it . . . I just need to get it out.