I feel foolish for saying this...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Clockwork Reality, Jul 28, 2009.

  1. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    . . . but please. Hear me out. I just need somebody to say that I'm worth something, that what I do matters.

    I just have to hear it.

  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    you have made a pretty big impact on here. I'm sure that makes you worth quite a bit.
  3. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the words of encouragement; that's pretty much what I needed to hear tonight.

    I've just had a lot on my mind recently. I think I'm going to take a few days off, try to sort through some things. Nobody worry, I'll be back. I just need a few days to sort through some baggage.

    I'll be back a better man because of it.:cool:
  4. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    thats good. just take whatever time you need. as long as you take care of yourself and get to feeling better.
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Aww hun you are a very special person especially when you cant see it yourself. Because it is then that all your unique and true qualities show themselves to so many others. You are here and you help others. You are here and try to find help for yourself. You are here!!! You have a strength you may not even know exists. It is keeping you stepping forward one pace at a time. And you reach out for stranded hands along the way to try and help them move forward like you. Never ever question whether you are something or matter. In the eyes of the other members here you are something very special. Take all the time you need to regroup hun. And remember whenever you need a special pick me up you have friends here that care and will do that in a blink of an eye! Loves ya!
  6. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: you have had a very positive impact here hun :smile: please know that you're appreciated xx
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are great :) and worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for!:love:
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    You're needed here. And you're always worth it to us no matter what :hug:
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are definitely worth something to many people. :hug:
  10. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all, for the words of encouragement.

    I did some deep thinking over the last few days, and I finally decided that I didn't like the way that my life was headed. I'm moderately successful at my job, have a roof over my head and food in my pantry, but am still unhappy.

    I finally sucked it up and went back to the doctor. I hadn't been on medication or therapy for four years, mostly due to stubborn pride. The doc was very understanding, and I was completely honest with him--i.e., I think most of my depressive thoughts stem from an anxiety disorder. I'm now taking Effexor and I feel a lot better.

    I still need to give the medicine a fair shake, and I really think that I could do with a slightly higher dosage, but it's a work in progress and I'm looking forward to feeling good again.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm on a high dose of effexor and it helps.. You might want to talk to your doctor about adding geodon or abilify for your thoughts.. They go hand in hand with the effexor.. Take care!!
  12. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Ugh. This is harder than I thought it would be.

    These pills make me tired and absolutely kill my appetite. On the other hand, I feel a bit more calm, but I have to wonder if the trade-off was worth it.

    I keep telling myself not to give up and give the medicine a fair shake. Before, I would bury everything under layers of anger. I was nervous about the next day? I'd cop an attitude, and use that as a defense mechanism. But I just got tired of being angry all the time, of always looking for things to blame. I figured that by going back on medication I'd be able to deal with these negative feelings and maybe learn to trust people again.

    Nobody knows that I'm on meds again, and I want to keep things that way. Still, it's somewhat awkward. I saw the look that the pharmacist gave me. It was somewhere between sympathy and derision.

    My pharmacist can cram little pills down her ear for all I care.

    So much for not being angry.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 10, 2009
  13. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I take effexor as well. It does take a good 4 to 6 weeks for it to level off and become completely effective. I have noticed too that it seems to shelf out. So when you feel it isnt working tell your doc and see about changing the dosage. If for what ever reason you decide it's not for you, never ever try to quit it cold turkey. It's a nasty one. If I forget even one day the next is pretty hellish. But give it a try. I used to be ok with just the effexor but have recently had my doc add a few others to help it along. Good luck. Oh and just incase the others have worn off.... you are a very special somebody!!! Hugs... to help you remember that!
  14. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Thanks. As always, your words have meant a lot. I feel kind of bad . . . I know that other people here have things a lot worse than me, but here I am complaining again. I'm just glad that there's so many kind people here, who are willing to listen.

    I hope that means something to others as much as it means something to me.
  15. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sharing hun... not complaining. Others may have it worse or better, but it is happening to you so it is important. Dont every forget you are just as important as anyone else here. Your troubles and pains just as real. So keep posting and get it out so that you arent alone in your fight!