You know the other day my psycharist who ive only ever spoken to twice - onece in July,once in December and dont know if i will see again as they will write if they think there is anything they feel they can do and i agree there isnt really - said something to me that got me thinking.He asked me what was the worst thing about feeling how i do.My answer is undoubtedly having people who are kind enough to want you to live and to encourage you to do so even when youve put them through so much but knowing that its now so unlikely you could ever make that happen,and give them their wish and not end up dead via suicide.Maybe my tolerance for physical pain etc is low so i feel it more than others and the physical pain is a lot [not more than i deservi though] but knowing i will probably never make that wish come true for those other people is probably almost certainly undoutedly the worst thing for me about how i am.