I feel guilty.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ellie Grey, Sep 26, 2012.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    I lost someone 2 yrs ago last week, I was really really angry at them and I was constantly furious and depressed for a while, and they died... I just feel so guilty. I just want to say sorry for my behavior.
    I just feel like I'm at the brink, I don't think I'll do anything but I don't think rationally sometimes and I just make impulsive decisions. I just want to die because I see it as the only option to end how I feel.
    I'm tired of being considered intelligent when I am not, my Mum has no idea just how dumb I am, I guess she only knows what she hears from my teacher.
    I'm just tired, so tired of everything. I hate myself because I'm somebody I never wanted to be, I've always known I would turn out this way and I just hate it.
    I'm sick of it to be perfectly honest. It's been so long I've been sad. Whilst I do not have depression I have an anxiety disorder which prevents me going to a mainstream school, I just want to feel more normal; I do like being different but not a total misfit.
    This seems a bit of a rant, but I don't want to be called a "whiny emo" ect. (I'm 14 yrs old)
    This is just how I am feeling, I just want get into bed and sleep. When I was 11 I closed my eyes and when I began to drift of I truly thought I would die... the idea that I could be in the same circumstance is so scary. I don't want to lie in bed and die like I could have done when I was younger.
    But I just can't see a way out of this.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Ellie, and welcome here. Sorry you're not feeling too great at the moment. How is it that you can blame yourself for someone else's death hun?

    I know when you're 14 that 'feelings' seem to be the primary indicator of how things are...... but, there are more options available to help you other than dying, honey. I know what it is like to be in a dark tunnel - I was in one at 15, and could see no way out, but I do promise you that it is very possible and likely that things can improve for you, with the right care.

    You call yourself dumb, but I can see, like your Mum, that you are not. I hope the doctors who are treating you for your anxiety are able to help you honey, towards having a more positive self-image. If you'd like to PM me, we can talk further about it :)
  3. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    I don't think you are whining at all I'm sorry for everything that happend if you need to talk you can always PM me. Trust me if you were stupid people would think your stupid like your teachers and parents. My parents and teachers think I'm stupid so it shows you that people think you are smart you need to believe that yourself because its true.
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