I lost someone 2 yrs ago last week, I was really really angry at them and I was constantly furious and depressed for a while, and they died... I just feel so guilty. I just want to say sorry for my behavior. I just feel like I'm at the brink, I don't think I'll do anything but I don't think rationally sometimes and I just make impulsive decisions. I just want to die because I see it as the only option to end how I feel. I'm tired of being considered intelligent when I am not, my Mum has no idea just how dumb I am, I guess she only knows what she hears from my teacher. I'm just tired, so tired of everything. I hate myself because I'm somebody I never wanted to be, I've always known I would turn out this way and I just hate it. I'm sick of it to be perfectly honest. It's been so long I've been sad. Whilst I do not have depression I have an anxiety disorder which prevents me going to a mainstream school, I just want to feel more normal; I do like being different but not a total misfit. This seems a bit of a rant, but I don't want to be called a "whiny emo" ect. (I'm 14 yrs old) This is just how I am feeling, I just want get into bed and sleep. When I was 11 I closed my eyes and when I began to drift of I truly thought I would die... the idea that I could be in the same circumstance is so scary. I don't want to lie in bed and die like I could have done when I was younger. But I just can't see a way out of this.