I feel heartbroken and alone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Carson11, Oct 27, 2014.

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  1. Carson11

    Carson11 New Member

    I have been in a relationship for 7 months, we were good friends for the past 3 years. The relationship side of things just kinda happened. I fell hopelessly in love right away. Before this, I had never been in a relationship and really never felt that attraction towards anyone else. It was like I fell in love emotionally and then the physical came later. I can honestly say that being in love like this is the happiest I have ever been before. Literally floating and just so happy towards life in general :)

    Anyways, it was not without problems. I can truly and honestly say that I think the basis for most of it was not me. She has had a lifetime of issues... Abandonment issues as a child, abusive relationships, etc. The biggest problem would be her alcohol use. Once or twice a week getting black out drunk, and then arguing/getting mad at me and saying hurtful things. Then the next day would always be rough as well.

    Even though all that sounds bad, I am truly in love with her. She told me in the past that we were breaking up, etc and then a few days later everything would be fine again. Like an ongoing cycle. This time though, it's been a week and I think she's serious. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's like I feel she has some issues that make her pull away when she starts to feel too close to someone.

    I am just so depressed over the whole situation. I don't know how to explain it but it's like I truly feel this is my soulmate and I'm losing her. I miss her so terribly I can't put it into words. It's like this hurting pain I feel inside. I feel like I would rather end this pain. It's like I'm losing my best friend along with my relationship. I think it's harder too because of how in the past, I felt this way and then things would get back to normal. So it's like I don't know if I should hold onto hope, or if I should just end this pain I am feeling every second.

    It sounds so easy to say someone else is out there for me, but it's like I am so in love already, I don't want anyone else. I am shy and don't really make friends easily as it is. It's harder than it sounds. I just don't know what to do next.
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Carson11, I do Hear you and I feel your pain as well, I am sorry for the feeling of being alone and how much pain you are in It is palpable.... Carson, all that said, you are safe in here, there are concerned caring people in here and they are willing and able to help you. Carson I am dealing with depression and a sense of loss as well, although the circumstances are a little different. The effect is close to the same You sound as if nothing else matters right now and with your statements and what I read, I would Like you to try and calm down take a few deep breaths and try to relax as best you can. I am Leigh, Welcome to SF and look around, try and familiarize yourself with the site. We do understand what you are going through and someone will respond to you and help you to deal with what you are going through. The members in here are all patient and understanding. We do Understand!
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If she has abandonment issues, she may, subconsciously, push people away before they leave her; a kind of self fulfilling prophecy.
    If this is the case, give her some space, but let her know you are there for her and want her in your life.
    I hope you can weather this and she comes back.
  4. shadowheart

    shadowheart Well-Known Member

    Hi there,
    That sounds really awful Carson11.
    Have you talked to her about all this stuff? It's really important to be communicating these things.
    She might be pushing you away so that she doesn't lose you. I know people with abandonment issues who do this. Rather than the hurt of losing you because you leave her, she pushes you away so that she is in control of it. Just a possibility.
    Also, counselling might be really good for both of you. You could each have it individually, obviously she has demons and you do to for staying in a relationship that seems so unhealthy (no offence intended). You could also try counselling as a couple to find out why she is acting that way and what you might be able to do to help it.
    One thing is sure, this isn't going to get better on it's own. She might come back to you like she has before, but she will probably leave again too, just like she has before.

    All the best. I hope you can work through this together.

    Feel free to PM me at any time if you want to.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is very difficult to maintain a relationship with somebody that has a substance abuse problem because that substance and being high/drunk becomes the most important thing in their lives. To make matters worse, saying anything about the problem is sure to get a very hostile defensive reaction or put them on a guilt trip- either way the result is they associate you with trying to get between them and the thing that is most important to them and you causing them pain. If you are going to try to maintain this relationship then you need to remember that the alcohol is a problem you cannot fix, only they can, and that you will always take a backseat to that when it comes down to it. More importantly, they will not see that as what is happening. It may help to remember it is the alcohol that is hurting you, not her . Her inability to stop abusing it is a problem of hers that she needs to face and you cannot do it for her no matter how hard you try. You are losing your soul mate because the alcohol is taking her soul.I wish you well but think you really need to seriously consider if you want to be in a fight for her love and attention with an inanimate thing.
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