i feel horrible

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by tkwu, Feb 13, 2010.

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  1. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    i have occasionally cut my legs since the age of fifteen (i am now eighteen) but i just cut my arm for the first time and i feel horrible. they are just below my elbow. they are not very deep but i cannot stand to look at them. i feel as if i'm dying. i want to talk to someone so badly.
     
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    hello, you can talk to me if you want. what are you trying to say by cutting? i hear you're feeling so bad, and i have felt similar to yourself.
     
  3. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    thank you for talking to me. i do not mean to say anything. i do not even think anything when i cut, which is probably the case for most people who have. i have never tried to kill myself but it looks so scary on my arm, like someone who has just tried to kill themself.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    putting a face to your pain the cutting is scarey. The cuts are there reminding you just how much pain is inside. Try wrapping them up put some antibiotic cream on them put a bandage over them until they heal okay. I am sorry you are in so much pain keep trying to write it out okay. Get the pain out with words not hurting yourself
     
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you're saying a lot by what you write and what you're describing, believe it or not, what you're saying in those few words are powerful.

    you're doing it automatically and you have no idea why, and you feel like you're dying. it sounds like you're living in death.

    it took me years to unravel what i was doing with self harm myself.

    do you have any support in real life?
     
  6. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    thank you so much, you are angelic, i love you because i know you know what i feel
     
  7. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    i do not have support in the form of anyone who knows about this habit. i have some nice friends but no one knows about my mental illness. i am seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow and i will tell him about this
     
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i'm not sure if you're talking to me, but your words are touching, even if it wasn't meant for me. you sound so alone and in so much pain. but there are people out there who will help, hear you and give your pain a language which, at the moment, seems like silence- in terms of your self harm and severe depression.


    could you try talking to your friends? i wish you well with the psych appointment tomorrow
     
  9. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    yes ggg, i meant my words to you as well as to violet. this gives me more hope than i can express. thank you for all the advice. i have to run now so i will not reply again until later. but thank you, i love you
     
  10. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    *hugs* As long as you get your words out, it'll be ok. I used to cut to relieve tension. There are times I still want to but I realize that I can beat the sadness by doing something positive.

    Maybe doing something for your own benefit is what you need.
     
  11. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    lightbeam, thank you. how did you manage to stop self-harming? what do you do now when you have those impulses?
     
  12. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i understand how you are feeling, i often self harm without thinking, it can make it hard to understand, im sorry you are feeling like you are dieing, it sounds like you are having a really hard time right now, but you have done the right thing by seeking support here, so many people here have managed to stop self harming, it is often about working through what make you self harm, and then using different distractions/activites to prevent you from cutting, i hope ur app with the psyc goes well, and they can offer you some support in order to work through why you self harm, so that you will be able to stop, in the mean time here is a :hug: keep posting, people understnad how you are feeling, and we would not want you to feel that way alone!
     
  13. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    i appreciate you. i feel so lonely though, all the time, i know you must know what it's like to be lonely even around people. i just wish i could hug you all
     
  14. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i understand full that feeling of your around people, but you are alone, its almost as if they neraly unferstand what is goin sg on, but they will never fully understand me as everyone is different, and then u have the people that dont even no anything is going on, but u still have to hide everything. Im sorry that u feel that you are alone, people here can offer support and advice, and i hope u become less alone, also when u see your psyc that they can help you, i wish you all the best :hug: you can PM me anytime. tc
     
  15. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    thanks i really appreciate everything. seriously. i don't evn have the nerve to tell my psychiatrist that i do it
     
  16. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    could u write it down and give it to ur psyc, it is reallly important that you get help :hug: a psyc can help u work through why you are doing this, and may even be able to help u stop, it is sooo important that they no. maybe u could print ur post off here, and give it to ur psyc, or email them in advance or something, jsut a few ideas. i hope ur ok.
     
  17. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    thansk :) those are really good ideas. maybe i will write it down
    i hope you are doing well too
     
  18. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i only have good ideas as im in this process myself, if u ever need to chat, drop me a PM ill respond asap :hug:
     
  19. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    ughh i've been cutting on a daily basis, every time i do it i wish i hadn't. i cry constantly and i never do work. which is paradoxical because one of the things that depresses me the most is failing out of school
     
  20. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: i no tht feeling all to well, i currently cut everyday, and i have no motivation to do any school work right now, ive jsut let it mout up, its really not goign to help, is there anyway u could have a word with ur school?? tell them u r finding things difficult right now, ask them to reduce some of the pressure maybe?? u dont have to tell them u r self harming , unless u think it will help :hug: keep posting, im listening and care along with many others.
     
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