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I feel I have no choice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anglew711, Apr 2, 2013.

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  1. anglew711

    anglew711 New Member

    here is my story in brief. for over 5 years i have battled to helpmy son now 19. he got involved with drugs,, would not go to school,was abusive rescked the house, threatened o kill my husband to name just a part. i left for a while with him but it made no difference. at 16 he was given an ultimatum to live by the house rules which were not harsh or leave. he left went to ymca got kicked out, then b & b and was finally given a flat. again and again he spend all his benefit on weed and i bailed him out. he is in massive debt. his flat a pig sty. things were ok between us if he got his own way and we had got to the stage of him staying at home overnight and visiting but he was stll always after money and bullying

    last smmer he got in a crisis and we said he could move back if he would agree to college. we had a major incident after a few months as he was still smoking weed and we then enforced drugs tests. we went ok for a while but he then sratd pushing the limits and not going to college. he was on his last chance and had to get his work in on thurs. this he did not so and said he would prob get kicked out the next day. the above doesnt sound much but every day as been a battle, he has done some horrible things to us and we would still be there helping him, cajoling him into working and walking on eggshells.

    on wed after he came home and refused to do his homework i just lost the plot and went walking. i walked 6 miles before in knew it in the freezing cold and my hib was so scared coos i had been gone so long he called the police. when i got back they wanted me to go to hospital as i had been saying for ages i wanted it all to end

    son still has his own flat and on thur went there instead of to college and work and stayed without telling us. thias was the last straw for my husband

    i now have to watch as my son gets further and further down, he puts weed before anything and despite being told again and again what would happen if he broke the 3 rules, then he still did it.

    hub took his stuff down and my sis offered to top up his gas/elec food cupboard and a bus pass but because my hub went too early he wouldnt go...hub just left the money and told him to get on with it

    i am currently 100 miles away as i haveescaped from it all but i hav eto go back some tme and wach him sink into the gutter as he is not capable of organizing his life and will just smoke weed

    i feel i hve to die..i cannot wach him
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Glad you found us and welcome. Have you ever thought of going to a Nar-Anon Family group. I went for a few years to an Al Anon group and found it both helpful and supportive. Or contact Al -Anon the problems of coping with addiction are shared.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi h un i also struggle watching my child destroy herself hun from age of 16 but she was using much stronger stuff hun I kept getting her help taking her too addiction councilling getting her rehab and it does destroy the family i know that hun The say i was enabling her to keep her with me to rescue her each time she fell into trouble so i do understand hun
    There has to be time hun when we walk away and i did i let her go to the streets hun and she begged me to come home she promised me she would not use again but she did
    I think hun as she grew and as i pulled away she saw i was not going to enable her anymore she is now 24 and doing better back in college I hope hun for your sake you get all the therapy you can for YOU ok I know the pain and the sadness you feel hun and i too went and am still getting therapy to keep me from leaving When our children become stronger we will need to be here for them and we do not want them to feel the pain hun of us leaving them the guilt they would carry hun.

    Keep pushing him to get treatment ok but don't let him back hun not until he gets treatment I can tell you hun it will get better it will so don't give up on him ok or YOU hun not yet hugs
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am so sorry you are being pulled into this abyss of your sons drug use. Does he refuse to get psychological help? And have you gotten psychological help for how difficult it is to navagate all of this?

    I thought of the same thing as Theodora. Nar-anon or alanon ( if narcanon is not around your area). These are family members of people who are using drugs. You can do a search of nar-anon online and find a phone number to call to get information. I do strongly recommend it. http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/
    i am not suggesting this instead of coming here. But in addition to it. This is a very good community. Please do let us know what you think about contacting nar-anon. If you have al-anon in your local community but not nar-anon, then it might be important to try that out. These programs honesstly are so specific for what you are having to live with. I am so sorry things are as they are for your son and family. As total eclipse suggested, therapy is so important also. For yourself. To help you to get through this horrible time. I am sending very best to you. and a :hug: if thats okay
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, that sounds like a difficult situation. I would suggest that you try and get involved in some counselling for yourself. Has your son ever seen a drug counsellor or addiction specialist? If not, it could help him immensely. Please don't leave, you'd be leaving so much behind. Try and work together and get over this hurdle. I know you have tried many times before but maybe try a new approach and be quite strict about it. Good luck to you :hug:
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    sadly, before he can get better he needs to get worse. You can't force someone who doesn't want to change. It's hard and it feels so useless but it's not your fault. You have to let go and wait for him to turn around...I'm so sorry you have to go through that....addictions suck
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