Man, I have taken such a leap backwards. I havent been to SF in almost a year. Now with uni I am here every day. And I look at suicide stuff on the net almost everyday. Almost subconsciously I have gathered the necessary tools and methods. And almost subconsciously, I have almost arrived at the edge. I know why too. Its the pressure. Theres just too much expected of me. That I CANNOT do, and CANNOT avoid. If I could avoid it I would not be writing this. I simply do not have the energy or will power to be apart of this. I have had quite enough, and so has my body. I feel constantly sick from the pressure. I cannot eat well and my teeth hurt from grinding. Whats added mounting pressure is that people are starting to see this and are asking questions. More pressure - now I've got to think about covering it up everyday (thank god for anonymity here). I just cannot handle the stress and pressure and expectations anymore. I am truly surprised at how close I am.