I feel it's close now...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tired John, Dec 6, 2012.

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  1. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    .. very close. Can't deal with any more shit, but it keeps coming. :crushed:
  2. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    I am writing to my loved ones. This sucks.
  3. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Tired John please reach out for help, please don't hurt yourself :hug: I'm here if you need to talk :hug:
  4. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Thank you for caring, midnightstar. My head is swimming, not doing anything right now.
  5. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Does anyone know if one feels differently when they have made the final decision? It both seems to give me peace and scares the crap out of me at the same time. This is far different than before for me.
  6. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Yes, it does give you a different kind of mind set, since you have come to your own conclusion that no matter what happens from here on out, you always will have that escape plan, so nothing affects you as deeply as what it once did. Even so, coming from one who has been at the very edge of death and life, no matter what kind of peace you anything you try will do you, right up until the last nanosecond, it will continue to scare the hell out of you (for the unknown of what you will face, for the action, whatever it is) and will either be the final driving force to follow through or turn away. As with me, I hope that it will be the latter for you as well.
  7. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Thank you Leif, I appreciate your honesty more than you'll ever know.
  8. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    Hey John, First - sending you some love. Second, what's killing you? What has brought you to this point? It takes a lot to make a person want to die. What have they done to you?!! Love.
  9. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Hi Tired John - you're not alone.

    The thing with feeling like your close to doing it - it gives you peace because you feel like there is an end near - and the pain will stop. This is common for suicidal folks - it can be the one thing that gives them any pleasure - but yes, it is scary too because it's final. There's no turning back. I hope you'll realize a lot of us are suffering. You're not alone - I hope you'll hang on. Keep on posting - it's good to see you responding to everyone.
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Here if you need anything. :hug: Please don't go through with it!
  11. jonsmith

    jonsmith Well-Known Member

    remember tired john,

    you are likely to retain your earthly memories after death. you could very easily become a depressed ghost like the angry spirit in the subway in the movie "ghost"
  12. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    I made it thru the night, sleep didn't come easy. Taking it one hour at a time.
  13. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    That is the best way TJ - one hour at a time. I had to do that too, 15 years ago after my attempt. One hour at a time means that you are giving yourself another 60 minutes at another chance. Honey, jonsmith is right hun. And from that position you will not be able to give yourself another chance.

    NOTHING is worth the hope that it won't be like that. NOTHING is worth banking on the assumption that killing yourself will make the pain stop.
    I beg you to reconsider and reach out to a doctor, family, Samaritans, anyone who can help put a plan for survival together for you - we will all be here for you to help as much as it's possible for us honey, you have friends here to offload to :)
  14. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    I'm hanging in there, at least for now. Just thought I should give an update. This whole thought process is completely new to me, I have never seriously considered suicide before, beyond a brief passing thought. This much, much different.
  15. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    This is awesome to hear that John, I do understand it's the thinking that we need support with when we are suicidal. I'm approaching my 'anniversary' in a few days' time - and, all I can say is that however feeble you might consider your 'hanging in' (it isn't feeble in the slightest) - you are doing the very best thing, although I know how difficult it is to see it. It is hard when our thoughts seem to have penned us into a position, but the bottom line is that in essence they are still only thoughts, and thoughts can be replaced with other thoughts.

    It's the engine to do the job which is discoverable. I do understand hun - it all seems beyond our capability.... but we start with telling ourself the truth that it is possible to replace our thoughts without harm. Sending you all the best warm and strong thoughts for light and power and strength to be yours :)

    Just a suggestion to start with - deliberately telling yourself that it is possible to replace our thoughts without harm - if you practice this, as you are able, for an indefinite time-span, still taking one hour at a time, this will be the seed-bed from which other truth will come, I promise you :)
  16. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Another night gotten thru. They are the worst. Today I stay alive for Leo, my beautiful french bulldog. I can't put into words how much the little guy does to help me thru the hard minutes. If only people could learn to love as unconditionally as he does.
  17. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Yeah, animals are great. I love animals and my pets have kept me alive at times. Dogs are great pets especially when you're depressed. Take him to the dog park, that always gives me a lift - in fact even before I had dogs I'd go to the dog park sometimes because it was uplifting.
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you have your companion hun animals are the best at giving unconditional love You keep talking to us ok keep reaching out here so you know you are not alone now h ugs
  19. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    No disrespect intended, but I don't believe in that sort of thing, at all. My suicidal thoughts haven't changed that, but i do thank you for caring.
  20. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Yes, do keep talking to us TJ, we do all care about you very much. Dogs are wonderful companions and givers of love - just if I may a bit of humour?.. Dyslexics find gods are too :)

    When you say nights are the worst for you, are you finding it hard to sleep John?
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