It's something I've grappled with for years now, although I know I am acutely depressed right now (for the past few months) so it is much stronger. I do remember feeling what it's like to not want to die. But I think that was the illusion and this is the reality. The only thing I'm hesitant about it the pain left behind for my family. I really don't want to do that to them, but I don't think life is worth it for me. There's no point living just to keep your family from being traumatised, it's not really a life where you spend half of the time postponing your suicide. Life is a prison to me, I can't deal with it. I guess I would be open to opinions on this, or if someone is able to change my view. I've heard from mental health workers a lot of arguments against it: 'permanent solution to a temporary problem,' 'things can change,' 'why not wait it out, you've nothing else to lose.' But I don't think anyone can understand suicidal thoughts of this nature unless they've actually been there. Can anyone relate?