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I feel I've ruined my chances at love....

#1
I am 21 and I have never had a stable relationship. On top of this, and having gone through my wort break up yet, I have this toxic habit of comparing myself to my two roomates, who are both 18 and are in seemingly healthy relationships. They both have boyfriends they love and I'm sitting here feeling guilty, like I'm missing out and is incapable of love.....what's wrong with me....am I doomed?
 

1964dodge

when you help others you help yourself
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
you are not doomed. I had my share of girlfriends when I was young. I was also engaged twice before I met my wife. the first time was just bad timing on both our parts (long story). the other was my soul mate. we were meant to be together. she broke it off because I was a workaholic. (the man she married was an alcoholic and ruined her life) we still care for each other but not in that way anymore. then I met my wife. we have been married 41 years and are happier now than ever. the point is keep trying. meet new people have new relationships. some day you will find that forever partner and be happy. but you have to keep going out with people until you find "the one". in the meantime try to have fun. the only way you could be doomed is if you stopped trying...mike...*hug
 
#3
you are not doomed. I had my share of girlfriends when I was young. I was also engaged twice before I met my wife. the first time was just bad timing on both our parts (long story). the other was my soul mate. we were meant to be together. she broke it off because I was a workaholic. (the man she married was an alcoholic and ruined her life) we still care for each other but not in that way anymore. then I met my wife. we have been married 41 years and are happier now than ever. the point is keep trying. meet new people have new relationships. some day you will find that forever partner and be happy. but you have to keep going out with people until you find "the one". in the meantime try to have fun. the only way you could be doomed is if you stopped trying...mike...*hug
I dunno. I get too scared of these things....
 
#4
I think you need to work on yourself and your self esteem and then worry about a relationship. You’re still trying to get through this breakup and your confidence has been shattered. You were hurt and betrayed and it’s going to take time for you to heal. Get yourself better and then find the person that is right for you, don’t settle for just anybody.
 

Walker

Hopper, Skipper, Jumper
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
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#8
You're going to look back at this attitude (and this guy) one day and think this was ridiculous. Because relationships at 21 aren't the best ones you're going to have... Pretty much every. You think those are the best ones you're going to create with people? Not by far. You're barely learning to get on with folks by that age. Give it a few years - those are the good ones. One day you won't even remember this guys name while today you think he's the worst thing to ever happen. And I get it - that's how these things work out. I've been there myself. But God does it get better from here.
 

sinking_ship

Awesome SFer
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#10
My husband was...29 when I met him I think. And hadn't had a serious relationship before me. We've been together 10 years. There really isn't a perfect timeline for this stuff, it happens when it happens. There's nothing preventing you from finding love at some point.
 

Jayjay289

Speaker of mental health
#11
you are still young!! I had many relationships at a young age and did right through until now! dont wish your life away, you will know when the right one comes along you will feel that spark and that rush of energy! just because its not happening now dont mean it never will!!! you will find love and you will know when it comes along.
 
#12
You're going to look back at this attitude (and this guy) one day and think this was ridiculous. Because relationships at 21 aren't the best ones you're going to have... Pretty much every. You think those are the best ones you're going to create with people? Not by far. You're barely learning to get on with folks by that age. Give it a few years - those are the good ones. One day you won't even remember this guys name while today you think he's the worst thing to ever happen. And I get it - that's how these things work out. I've been there myself. But God does it get better from here.
Interesting.....something else I want to add (I am definetly guilty of this) is that I feel jealous when I see my younger roomates (18) getting along with their boyfriends and having the time of their lives. I feel like I'm missing out....
 

Lady Wolfshead

Shooting for the stars
#13
Interesting.....something else I want to add (I am definetly guilty of this) is that I feel jealous when I see my younger roomates (18) getting along with their boyfriends and having the time of their lives. I feel like I'm missing out....
You know what though. Everyone misses out on something. My brother and I both missed out on enjoying our teenage years because we had an abusive mother and lived in poverty. I missed out on dating during high school, and when I did finally did get a boyfriend at age 19, it was a bad relationship. I think look at what you have instead of what you don't. That's tough to do (I have trouble with it). Like Sheryl Crow says in her song Soak up the Sun "It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got."
 

Petal

Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#14
I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment but please sit back and think things through, you are 21, key to the door 21. You are just starting your life, you will find many other 21 year old singles, you are faaaar from doomed, I think you need to work on your self esteem more than anything else. You'll get through this, we're here for you *hug
 
#15
I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment but please sit back and think things through, you are 21, key to the door 21. You are just starting your life, you will find many other 21 year old singles, you are faaaar from doomed, I think you need to work on your self esteem more than anything else. You'll get through this, we're here for you *hug
I guess.....I just wish I didn’t feel so alone
 

Petal

Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#18
Work on it with your therapist, don't stop until you feel you have all the skills learned that you need to have to get through this. I have personally been through awful break ups, they are hard but you will find yourself again out in the sea filled with fish, so many partners you could have if you could keep your head above the water and ride through this, good luck - keep working on your self esteem. You will find the right match eventually. 💞
 
#19
Work on it with your therapist, don't stop until you feel you have all the skills learned that you need to have to get through this. I have personally been through awful break ups, they are hard but you will find yourself again out in the sea filled with fish, so many partners you could have if you could keep your head above the water and ride through this, good luck - keep working on your self esteem. You will find the right match eventually. 💞
:( I suck....
 

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