I feel like a failure and I don't particularly enjoy living.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by poison, Oct 1, 2013.

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  1. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    I'm 20 with a part-time job at a supermarket. I've been working there for a year. I dropped out of college after the first semester without notifying the school (personal reasons, not academic) and was subsequently dismissed. I'm now set to attend a community college in the spring, hopefully getting my associate's for something computer related. I'm fairly timid, reserved, and introverted. I'm of average physical physique and attractiveness. I'm probably of average intelligence, maybe just ever so slightly above average.

    I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend from high school for almost 3 years now. I still live with my parents, but I do pay for my car insurance and cell phone bill monthly, so hey, at least I'm not a 100% freeloader (maybe 90% :p). Recently, I've been incredibly unhappy. I feel like I've fucked up my entire life and as I check out the lives of the people I graduated high school with, they're way ahead of me in terms of responsibility, college, social connections, etc. Or, you know, it seems like that anyhow... people do tend to project the best possible image of themselves via social media, so maybe they're being dishonest, dunno. It makes me feel worthless and inferior either way.

    I don't feel like I should bother going on. I feel like I will just continue to disappoint others and myself. I've been contemplating suicide, but I'm kind of scared to attempt because of the implications of a failed suicide attempt. I'll be 21 in about a year, so I've thought about <mod edit- methods> to kill myself then.

    I'm mostly a lazy, irresponsible piece of shit. I spend most of my time on the computer or playing video games. I don't really want to go back to college because I feel like it's a gimmick. I sure as hell don't want to work full time retail. So, I figure that the only solution is to commit suicide. I'm not going to go anywhere in life — I've more or less decided that for myself. So instead of just sticking around as a sore disappointment, why shouldn't I just off myself? Seems like it would be easier for me and others around me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2013
  2. OmittedForClarity

    OmittedForClarity New Member

    I don't want to make any assumptions, but it sounds like, if you're able to live with your parents, that you've got at least a half decent relationship with them, and if you've got a girlfriend, and she's been with you since highschool, she must care for you in some way, to say the least. Doesn't that make you wonder what qualities you must have, to make them want to stay in your life? It means you do have something in you, something very special to these people, and it doesn't really matter what that something is, just that it's there, that you are important to these people. I know it's cliché to tell you to think of those around you, how taking your life would impact them, but, truly, you must feel something for them, and you must find that something, and feel it for yourself. Find that success that you see in your peers and impose it on yourself, because you aren't as bad off as you could be, even if you're not as well off as you might want. But you're not at the bottom, so you've got a chance to reach for the top, to bring yourself up. Why shouldn't you just off yourself? Because you are something, and you can make that something into something spectacular. You have the potential to be whatever it is that you want, and you are the master of your life. You are the master of your ship. So sail.
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    First, you do not sound to be particularly behind the curve in any area- you just turned 20. You hit the nail on the head when you said in social media people like to make themselves sound extraordinary and like all is a bed of roses so if that is where you are deciding you are behind then If I were you I would make the assumption that 50% of them just lie better than you do (not a quality I would aspire to in your position).

    You are admittedly not motivated. That makes you like 98% of us in the world 90% of the time. What you need is something thta interests you enough to become self motivated, or to be in a position where it is not a choice. You manage to pay more of your own bills than many at your age so I do not really believe nearly as irresponsible as you seem to think. What you do not have is an idea of anything you want to do so that has left you seeing alternatives that involve you having to do nothing. If all else fails take a little of the time you are spending on video games and spend it reading news and general stuff on the internet or trying to go on short trips to experience things until something catches your interest. You have more than enough really good qualities and things going for you that if you find something that interests you I believe you will do well......

    Take Care and Be safe

  4. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    I can relate in some ways, dropped out of uni because of drugs but going back this winter, im 21 still living at home, dont really enjoy living right now, and all my friends are 'ahead' of me in life. What I have found helps some is not going on facebook or that stuff AT ALL. Its been about a week and it already feels better not comparing my life to others as much now. When I see them in person I just think that I will find my way one day and things will be ok for me, but it is hard when they talk about stuff that is going right for them.

    I think im going through a quarter life crisis and maybe you are too, I think a lot of people our age go through stuff like this, just try not to give up :)
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