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I feel like a failure

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by LouiseCap, Jan 12, 2008.

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  1. LouiseCap

    LouiseCap Member

    I had anorexia 3 years ago, went into recovery but then it turned into binge eating disorder and now here I am having yet another affair but this time, with bulimia. I feel like whatever I do and however hard I try, my eating problems will never go away. It will always come back and bite me in the butt. :sad:

    I have been bulimic for a year and a half now and the most number of days I can go without b/p is just 3 days. Gggrr I hear people saying that they have managed over a month without behaviours, why can't that be me?

    Maybe because I am not putting 100% effort into recovery, but this is partially because I am afraid of what my life will be like if bulimia isn't there to "comfort" me and to protect me from the real world. I have even starting cutting my arm so I now have another problem to face.

    I just feel like staying alive involves too much effort and hard work. Anyone relate to this?
  2. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I think when you have a problem with food it never goes away.

    And I do think your not giving it 100%

    Have you tried getting help? From a counseller? Doctor? Or even chatting to a stranger? Anyone?

    You sound like you dont want this to be a problem anymore, if this is the case you need to speak to someone.

    Take care

  3. LouiseCap

    LouiseCap Member

    Yeh I am definately not giving recovery all my effort but sometimes I just wish that it will go away by itself, even though that will never happen. I have seen 3 therapists in the past but no-one at the moment. I think this is because I don't believe that anyone can help me since I will not be the same around food ever again.
    I have told 3 of my friends and they are very supportive. Since I have told them I have noticed that my b/p frequency has decreased a little so maybe talking about it more with a therapist WILL help me even more. Now it's just the case of finding another one either at home or near my University.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It won't be easy to beat or overcome. At least your aware that your not giving 100%. If you can in the near future, try to find a professional to get help.
  5. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Trust me, you're not alone there.
  6. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I've been through this- I hear your struggle. Right now I'm a lot lot better- and it's mainly because I can deal with the real world a lot better- as I have my/built up some kind of protection and feel in control of my life.

    Perhaps working with some way to deal with the real world- (what is the real world? is it the feeling of hopelessness and depression?) some way of protecting yourself without harming yourself might help.

    I've gone through 3 months with only one binge/purge session, mainly to relieve tension/agitation. I'm mainly a lot better because I feel a lot better emotionally which is where all this stems from, for me personally.

    You say you're not giving it 100% but that's okay :hug:. I'm sure lots of people with eating disorders who are determined/struggling to change can't shed years and years of very ingrained thought processes easily. Sometimes the whole 'recovery' thing, all this "I am in recovery" can be a huge setup for 'failure' because it's very linear- with an end goal/a stamp of 'recovered' when I think it's a lot more complicated than that. I still have huge issues with food but am managing emotionally and keeping myself physically okay which is all I want for now.

    You talk about food and behaviours and those are important, but maybe it's the feelings, especially the 'real world' that you talk about and what scares you into reaching for bulimia for comfort, those feelings that you might feel helpful to explore further with a therapist?
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2008
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