i feel like a loser

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by letmego3, Feb 8, 2011.

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  1. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    it feels like i have already killed myself and now just waiting to actually do it. half of me is in this reality and half on the other side shouting for me to cross over. everday i think about how i am going to kill myself because this is what i want. My mother is what is stopping me. She does not have a clue. If she did, she would be in pain, which she has had enough all her life. If she was not here now, i would have nothing to stop me. i feel like a loser, people around me always talking so naturally and making jokes with one another. i can't socialise properly with other people. i'm boring with a crap personality. i am nothing. If i entered a room you would not notice me for about an hour. i looked into the mirror this morning and i realised i'm even more unattractive than i thought. i look like a idiot. People act nice to me to not hurt my feelings, god knows what they are talking behind my back. i don't want to be alive let alone go back into the social environment again tommarow.
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    YOU are not nothing - you are someone, albeit someone who is feeling down, insecure and suicidal in some way.

    The fact you are feeling so down is WHY you think you are nothing. We cannot have a positive view of ourselves feeling this way.

    As for looking in the mirror and seeing an idiot - have you stolen my mirror?

    Seriously though, what you see is not how other people perceive you. We know this because we can record our voice and that will sound like it is not us. You may not be stunningly beautiful - but beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. We only have to fall in love with ONE person. This means falling for more than just looks.

    Depression brings a lack of confidence and also a capacity to enjoy or create joy is halted. You feel like you do because of biological interactions in the brain. All things being well we'd suffer the bad times with the knowledge that we will get better with time. Some depression is just the blues. We all feel bad sometimes - and in a way if we never felt low then maybe the highs would have no reference point.

    IF the lows in our lives go on for too long - we obviously start to become less able to be of use to others. This makes us think about how bad we are and how everything will turn out badly. We are fu***** seers into the future when we are down. Trouble is how many us with our 'skills' at seeing the future actually saw the Super Bowl winners so we could all maybe win a few dollars or pounds or Euro.

    So Twinkle, although you think you KNOW how things are going to turn out - although you think your future is not worth living for - you ARE wrong. I cannot be a liar and say life will be a beautiful journey everyday but it is a journey and we see some beautiful things along the way. I do not think we will ever come this way again.

    There are people you will meet, achievements you can make, all manner of possibilities for you. Maybe you will become a mum one day and make your own mum a grandmother. Maybe you'll become one of those people who always seem to have time for others. No matter what you do I'm seeing you as doing something in life and making a change for the good.

    As for people talking behind your back - its only because you are feeling down that you think this way. People will talk about us in our absence, but maybe like Oscar Wilde, you should maybe be glad as the worse thing would be people not talking about you! (he was a vain man, but funny and makes a good point)

    So if some idiot does talk about you and say 'she (or he) is so boring' it is a contradiction as if we were so boring, why mention us anyway? Idiots!

    Seek help and follow the advice of others here more versed in what to do.

    I'd suggest telling someone - especially your mum.

    My kindest regards and I hope and pray your life gets better over these coming days and weeks. You CAN do it - and people are here to help you and out there in the various professions whose duty is to those suffering whatever mental trauma is upon them.

    Good luck and God bless.
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