I am a 50+ female. There is no another living breathing soul who is aware of what I am about to type. I have been making a plan for about 8 months to end my life. I have not been diagnosed with mental illness nor do I believe I have a mental illness (maybe there is something that I don't recognize). My spiral began 4 years ago when after filing my income taxes, I discovered that I owed about $2,000 dollars which I didn't have so I didn't send in my taxes. I have not filed taxes since. As a result, 2 1/2 years ago I was unable to renew my license. As a result of no license, I was unable to register my vehicle. As a result of no registered vehicle, I could not get the car inspected or insured. For almost 3 years now, I have been driving without a licence, in an unregistered vehicle, with an expired inspection sticker and no insurance. All because I didn't file income taxes. I live with my elderly parents who are pretty healthy but needed help with caring for themselves and their home. I recently quit my job working in an operating room (they believe that I was just retiring and moving to another state) My parents do not know that I quit my job, they believe that I am out on Temporary Disability from work because I have a severe rash/skin irratation on the palm of my hand and can not work (once I ended my life they would know). I have two young adult children and 4 grandchildren. Before I lost my health insurance, I went to my doctor and told him I was depressed and anxious. He gave me medication (my plan to end my life = overdose) I have not touched the medication in 1 1/2 months waiting for "the day". My problem??? I don't think I can commit suicide!!! Not of my own doing but if forced, I feel I still could do it out of immediate despiration. The thought of my parents finding me dead in my bed breaks my heart. My son, (single/divorced Dad raising his autistic son) who just told me yesterday, "Mom, I love you so much!!! I don't know what I would do without you". I am a coward all the way around. In my life in general and in taking my own life. The time has passed since my "planned date". Time is coming to an end. I have no income, no health insurance, no license, no NOTHING!!! Except my family. How do I tell my elderly parents and children any of this. Nobody has the money to help. I fear that their reaction (being elderly and not understanding) will force me to do something stupid as a means to the end. I know my first step would be to file my taxes and face the music but I don't know where to begin. I am not financially saavy. I have no money to pay anyone. I can get another job, I'm a hard worker. Without filing the taxes, there can be no license, or registration or insurance. I am literally at the end of my rope. I have certainly made some stupid choices in my life and I honestly don't know why. This problem could have been resolved years ago but I chose to ignore everything and continue my life as though everything is wonderful. I can't eat anymore, I have not slept a full night's sleep in 3 years. I am down to a matter of days here. What do I do????? I hope that I will feel better just by telling somebody all of this but I am too embarassed and ashamed for how they will react. When I tell you that NOBODY will see this coming, I mean NOBODY. If I didn't leave a suicide note, they would think my death was by natural causes....that's how alone I am in this. Please, please can anyone help??? How did I become such a horrible person?? Not horrible to people, to myself. How could I actually let it come to this?? I have lied to everyone I care about. Everyone!!!! This has to come to an end, one way or another. Thanks for reading. I will appreciate every reply I get.