I feel like an attention seeker and horrible person

I hate myself for every thread or post I make on here because I feel like Im wastin peoples time, I ask myself time and time again if I want to die why dont I just fucking go ahead and do it?? I dont wanna be in this world, I have lost my everything, I cant bear the pain.. if only I knew a way where I knew for sure I wouldnt survive, I could just go...

 

You're not an attention seeker here. We post our pain for support. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What I do when I'm in that situation is just acknowledge that I'm feeling this way. I try to distract myself. I wish I could say life's worth living, but I have my own demons. All I can say is that you're not alone.

 

"Attention seeker" is a label and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's labels. People call someone "an attention seeker" or "an enabler" or whatever as though it's their job or something. Like they're a product or an object instead of a person. Anything to put someone into a category in order to try and degrade them.

It's just another stupid name people call each other. If someone calls you that, just ignore them.

 

You are not wasting peoples time by posting here. Everyone is here because he wants to share his pain, and if he can, to help the others. When I see a post, i will not read it if I dont want, but I am reading it. And I dont think of it as a waste of time.

 

What is wrong with attention seeking? :unsure:

 

I do it all the time and I don't feel like horrible person.

 

The purpose of these forums is for people to get help Scouse and that's what you're doing. Don't hate yourself for making use of these forums. We're here to help hun. :hug:

 

hi Jasmin, I feel the same way and dont think anyone takes any notice. Its like crying wolf or something. How you feel is the only thing thats real, dont worry about what others think. Your not a bad person and your not selfish, depression makes you think that way. Please hold on mate id miss you :unsure:

 

i feel the same way...i don't come to this site often because i don't think anyone here really cares about me.
sometimes i just want to die and i ask myself "Why can't I do it?!?"
i often find myself choking myself, or nearly jumpping out of my bedroom window but i can't do it.
for some odd reason, a part of me wants to keep living and i just don't know why.
i wish that everything would just end. but instead it just keeps going on.
for the record, you are not wasting my time. infact, this is a first that someone has said something that i have held in my heart for quite some time now....

 

Attention seekers have geen mohawks.
Horrible people do horrible things, i see nothing horrible here. People come here for help, you need help. Plenty of other times you were able to help others, now is your turn, that doesn't make you a horrible person.
You know what cheers me up? I live next to a bunch of retirement centers, real depressing places. But I sneek in on a Sunday either before or after church services & throw an appreciation party for a resident, kinda like a happy un birthday. We don't go all out just 2 balloons, a crazy poster with the residents name on it & some snacks they can't get their hands on anymore.
The old folks go wild, like you've done the best thing in their lives, & man do they have stories to tell.
I like to do this at the end of the month when their social security checks have run out & I always bring a pack of smokes 'cause they all have atleast one cigarette hound.
Try it, I have found that finding the least fortunate among us & helping them, always helps me more than any help that I may have provided.

 

You are not an attention seeker. You are on suicide forum. Real attention seekers gather on youtube, wher they can collect stars :biggrin:

 

Votestrike, I agree with you 100%:agreed::smile:

 

‘Attention seeking’ is one of those terms that says more about the speaker than the person they are referring to. Let me explain my background so you’ll understand my perspective. I am both a mental health consumer and a paraprofessional. I work full time in a crisis stabilization unit and I have been inpatient at other facilities, so I ‘see’ both sides of it.

When staff, including law enforcement and to a lesser degree lay people, say ‘s/he’s just looking for attention,’ they are really talking about their frustration and sometimes fear. NO ONE engages in parasuicide or makes a suicide attempt just because they have nothing better to do! Yes, people are almost always ambivalent about suicide, read the posts here if you doubt it. You’ll see a lot of frustration, people saying, ‘why don’t I just do it and get it over with?’ I admire their honesty and hurt for their frustration.
We all want a straight, rational answer, and become frustrated when it’s not forthcoming. People who work with mental illness on a regular basis remain human but to protect ourselves we often fall back on clichés like ‘attention seeking behavior.’ We lose sight of the fact that if someone is seeking attention THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. Do you have that ‘duh!’ feeling? I sure do when I stop and think about it, and believe me although I’m ranting about it here I am just as guilty as the next person who passes judgment.
It’s really not about the person suffering but about us, those who are trying to help but failing. I have told patients this many times, when we seem abrupt or unsympathetic usually it’s because we are frustrated or at a loss of how to help. There are admittedly some patients that we as individuals or a group don’t like, but I think if one of those patients were to suddenly improve we’d still react in the same way, profoundly happy and thankful that someone feels better.

Overall the mental health profession doesn’t know what to do with people who are hurting and act out in negative ways. This is often a topic of discussion in the nurses’ station, how can we best address destructive behaviors in people who are sometimes literally crying for help? Some voice the opinion that ‘if someone really wanted to die they’d do something really lethal.’ Uh-huh, but there’s the problem, they don’t ‘really’ want to die, they want the pain to stop and feel the only way to do that is to die. Hmm, I feel another ‘duh!’ moment here.

I truly wish I could offer you something to relieve your pain and frustration but I don’t have a damned thing except to tell you that you’re not alone. If you can maybe it would help to imagine you’re talking to a friend who is telling you s/he feels as you do and think about how you would respond. I’d bet my paycheck you’d be much kinder and understanding toward a friend. I don’t know why people who are depressed are so judgmental of themselves but we tend to expect so much of ourselves, much more than anyone else would or what we would expect from our dearest loved ones. I hope this helps, and if not that it doesn’t make you feel worse.