I feel like an idiot for my feelings

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by HateMeToday, Jan 16, 2009.

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  1. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    It's just like ugh i wasn't raped i was 11, i knew what i was doing, he was 16, he didn't do much, why do i have to make a bigger deal out of it, i hate having feelings about it, it should not affect me, it's not molestation right? i don't know, i feel it was wrong but i'm so confused, the fun memories are intangled with the bad, we were friends, all of us, the rest of you knew what was going on, you were the older ones why didn't you try to stop it, why didn't i try to stop it, does an 11 year old know what's right and wrong, i wanted it or atleast i thought i did, everytime i see his house 2 doors down, i cringe, if he was ever outside i'd run in the house, but why? embarrasment maybe, because the police got involved?, or am i scared, how is that possible, he was never violent, never forced anything, atleast not really, i went with it, then 5 years later almost get him into huge trouble for no reason?, he's moving, i'm glad, i just don't know what to think or feel, he did it to my sister and friend to, so did his friend, they were 12-13, is that old enough? are they secretly scarred and won't talk about it?, this should not affect me! yet it does so why?
     
  2. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    Hey, I think he absolutely took advantage of you. He knew what he was doing. There are more ways than physical force to hurt someone. Sometimes you "go along with it" because you feel like you have no other choice.

    when I was a kid, around 7 or so I had an older boy do things to me. At the time I thought he was my boyfriend and I was special and I didn't tell because somewhere inside I felt strange and bad about it.

    I think your feelings are normal and NO what happened doesn't sound like you were able to actually consent. Especially when you say you have all of these bad feelings about it.

    I hope you have someone you can talk this out with.

    take care
     
  3. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    He took advantage of you, hun. When you are that age you cannot fully comprehend what is happening. He could. much loves!
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It was not your fault. From what you have wrote, I think he took advantage of you. You were only a child, he was 16, he knew exactly what he was doing.
    Have you considered having therapy to help you through this? :hug:
     
  5. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    I have a therapist, she was actually the one that reported it which didn't help anything, we don't talk about that ever though, and i haven't seen her in over 2 months, she's been out for something
     
  6. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    No, you're not an idiot for having those feelings, but that person didn't necessarily realize what they were doing was wrong at the time either. One can say a 16-year-old should know better, but if that person did know better (at least, at that point in time), this wouldn't be an issue because they wouldn't have done it in the first place. People make mistakes, sometimes huge mistakes, regardless of whether or not they "know better," and that's tragic. Empathy is the best solution, or at least a really good one.
     
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