Hi. Its funny, because I'm a girl.... Please, hear me out, I just need to tell someone about this. I have never whined about my looks or talked about it openly (ever), I have never told anybody how I feel about myself because I don't believe in appearances. Meanwhile, these things have been on my mind and I don't know how to fix them. I have tried to talk about this with my friend but she always replied with "If YOU are ugly then what does that make me?" So I just shut up and never brought it up again... My problem Is not what others think of me... It's what I think of me. I don't feel right. I want to hit myself, to hide myself to break every mirror... I don't know what it is. I just feel disgusted by myself. Like I want to crawl out of my skin... the same old story - I feel like a man in a woman's body... an ugly man. I get really insecure when around other girls, not because they look better than me, its because I feel like a freak... like there is something wrong with me... Femininity makes me sick and disgusted so when I see myself I feel awful... I can't stand the idea of me being with a man... (I'm not attracted to girls either) Everything just feel so wrong. Im not sure, maybe growing up without a mother and being raped several times is what caused this but I have gotten over those things, I don't care... and what now? I just want to accept myself... what is wrong with me? If any of girls or women here feel the same or has any advice or ideas about what is wrong with me, please share. I would be happy to read from you. This has been happening since... forever. I know this is not normal so... maybe I just need to talk about it with someone.