i feel like crap

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by cookiemonster, Dec 18, 2009.

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  1. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    2 weeks ago i felt more like crap than normal and i found that i couldn't breathe and i didn't have the energy to move. i went to the doctor's wondering if it was depression and anxiety getting to me. as it turns out i had pleurisy. i was give lots of painkillers and antibiotics and told to go back if it wasn't gone in a week. it didn't go away and i went back. i got told i had bornholm disease which isn't too bad but i got put on stronger painkillers cos the pain is a bitch. the painkillers i'm now on give me a pleasant high but have other side effects that i find it hard to cope with. but the worst thing is the tiredness and depression. i'm not actually sure if these things are related to the drug but i'm hoping they are. i will find out in two weeks when i get taken back off them. if this is just me then i'm screwed.

    the main problem with all of this is that i have 60 of one type of pill, 80 of another and 48 of a third and i keep thinking about taking all of them at once and dieing. its getting a lot more tempting every day especially with christmas being so close. i don't know what i want to do now. i don't know if i want to be better cos it gives me all these opportunities

    sorry for complaining
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Throw away the pills you are not suppose to be taking anymore. If you feel you cannot take meds properly get someone to give them to you. Get someone to hold onto them so you don't have access to them until needed. You are tired because your body is fighting an illness of course you will be drained It is not the medication YOu need rest to heal your body is doing what it needs to to heal sleep. Do not abuse these medication or it will not benefit you they will not work Take them properly get lots of sleep and i hope you feel better soon. Get someone to dispense the meds to you .
     
  3. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i've taken waaaaaaay too many of them now. i just fell so weak and stupid. i couldn't even stop myself from taking the drugs so how could i stop anything happening. i bring it all on myself. i deserve it all :cry: i deserve to die
     
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    You don't deserve to die. Think - you are quite seriously ill, right now would be the worst time to make any kind of decisions about anything! Give yourself a break and let yourself just be physically ill, do all the good things for yourself that mean you are looking after yourself being ill and when the illness goes away then your head will be in a better place. For now just put everything on hold and tell yourself you feel rotten because you have a cast iron valid reason for feeling rotten.

    And if you've already taken a load of pills you shouldn't have, stop taking anymore and go get yourself checked out. Ok?

    :hug:
     
  5. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    it has nothing to do with the illness. i'm just stupid and weak and there is nothing i can do about it. maybe me getting given all of these pills is a way of telling me that i'm supposed to die now
     
  6. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i just hate myself so much and with Christmas getting closer i'm realizing it more. i now have no free space or time and its really getting to me. my sister is staying in my room and its making me really nervous and jumpy. i'm not sleeping atm and she came into my room drunk at 3.30am and started banging around and got me into trouble and then my mum barged in and started looking through all my stuff. i can't do anything inside without being watched and i'm not allowed out because of the snow. i'm locked in and freaking out. i don't know what to do. i'm an outdoors person and i'm not used to so many people in my home. :nerves: :(
     
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya...:hug:

    I'm worried because you said you've taken waaaaaaay too many pills. Maybe it would be a good idea to visit the ER and make sure you're not in serious danger from taking so many? I really hope you are "OK".

    It can definitely be stressful to have loads of people around if we're not used to it. I like to read and can bury myself in a novel - I've discovered that people are less likely to try to chat if I "look" busy or involved with something else. Boardgames can be OK too. They allow a group of people to interact without needing to share a lot of feelings or personal info. Maybe these could tide you through some of the holidays for a bit.

    Please take care of yourself, hun. And if the pills have made you sleepy or sick, go the ER and get checked out there.

    :hug:
    A.
     
  8. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    hey :hug:

    thanks for the concern. i think i'm ok now. the pills are quite strong so to take waaaaaaay too many you only have to take a few more than prescribed. its a bit hard to know if what i'm feeling are side effects or having taken too many cos the pills vary on a daily basis meaning i react different every day.

    on problem with distracting myself is that my parents, knowing i'm depressed, check on me constantly and i don't have any time or space to do anything on my own. i'm used to being able to just hide up in my room, which i could lock if i wasn't sharing my room, and do what i do. atm, i can't even talk to my bf or cut without someone walking in and distracting me or shouting at me. its really stressing me out. i just want some form of freedom back.

    if i suspect that i'm ill due to a small od i will get myself seen to. i didn't mean it to be a suicide attempt or anything i just want to be numb right now and the pills allow me to do that.

    thank you for the advice :hug:
     
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