• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

I feel like damaged goods....

Not open for further replies.

I feel like i've just come to the end of my reserves. I have recently gone through two botched operations that have renedered me infertile, I was raped at 11 and my bf periodically beats me. I feel I have nothing left to give I am 29 and I see those round me getting on well with their lives, getting married and having children or are pregnant. I no longer feel like a woman ......... and I just dont see anything worth being here for any more. I work with disabled children for a living and see there familys pain and laughter so I see how bad things can be for people and the hopeless situations others are in, so its not a case of feeling sorry for myself, I dont want to hear about 'other fertility options' I dont care about those long roads that are not garenteed.ive been on enough hurtfull roads. I have a good support network around me but I really really dont want to be here any more and now am getting the courage to no longer feel pain......


Well-Known Member
Why in the world would you let a man beat on you? Do you really love someone that can do that to you? Are you living with him? A man that loves you is going to be kind, caring, supportive, and be there for you, not be laying his hands on you like that. I'm sorry, but you need to dump that dirt bag and put his sorry hindend in jail..

Your helping take care of disabled children, does that not make you feel like your needed and your life is worthwhile? I wish I could work and have a job where I could help others. I feel useless the way I currently am. I need some meaning in my life.

Your infertility issue, I am sorry to here that, but even if you don't want to here it, there are other options, and there are plenty of kids out there that need adopted and a loving family. I would first, work on finding a man that can provide that to you, and then worry about having children later on. It's not all it's cracked up to be. You love them, raise them up, and then they are mean as hell toward you, that's the return you get for spending your life taking care of them. Well mine are still young, I guess they may eventually grow out of mouthing me off.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I am sorry you are in the place of so much suffering hun. You have supports around you are you on medication for depression. I know all you can see is the sadness right now i know but i can tell you that will pass hun and yes you will move one okay Leave the bf who is abusing you find someone who will treat you right hun and then you have some decisions to make to have a child
Maybe adoption maybe another method but to have a child you must be in a stable relationship so that child can have a good life. Please hun leave and get some therapy to heal your wounds to increase your self esteem to move forward okay hug:hugtackles:
im in therapy already and i thought i was making progress but yestreday it all seemed to change again, I dont want to take meds. I live with bf and i know i need to leave but just cant seem to i dont know how i have got to this point i was always quite happy before three years ago and now i just feel sad all the time and empty and useless as a woman especially now the doctors have made me infertile ive been on homone injection zoladex for a year this has messed with my emotions and head I still havent got my period back i feel totally damaged and its all because of men... man who raped me, men who have abused me this relationship and last and now two male doctors who have stoped my ability to have children I just want to go to sleep and never wake up...
my job is the only thing that makes me feel worth while but also sadder knowing that I wont have a child, I would adopt an older child the last chance they had to have a family if i was in a safe place mentally and non and if i have a home that was stable but its not the case and right now feels like will never be the case.


Well-Known Member
It's very understandable why you've reached this point. You was raped as a child, your boyfriend is beating on you, you find out you can't have children. That's alot to take in.

And living in an abusive relationship can take away any self esteem and confidence that you have in yourself. If they tell you your a peice of garbage, you'll believe it, even if it's actually the other way around.

The only way your going to feel better about yourself is to leave this guy. When you find the courage within yourself to do that, you will find that it makes you stronger inside, you will ask yourself a million times over, why in the world you let someone do you that way. You'll get to the point that you'll be damned if you ever let someone treat you that way again..

I survived both sexual and mental abuse. Only time I endured any physical abuse was a good slap across my face. I would never let a man do me that way again. I really hope you can find it in your heart to realize that you deserve to be treated better than that, and start caring enough about yourself to leave this guy.

I'm so sorry that he's doing you that way. Even after you leave, it takes quite sometime to get over that, but experiencing it first hand, I know that you can.

Your mental status can improve, it just takes time. Therapy doesn't work overnight, it might take many years, but it's worth the effort. I would reconsider a low dosage of an antidepressant if I was you. I don't really believe in drugging a person with a dosage of an antidepressant so high, that they don't even know if they are coming on going. It can help relieve some of the depression, anxiety, and stress. I can't even begin to comment on how many times Lexapro helped me feel better.

You can get better, but you need to keep trying to make that effort into doing so, and don't let yourself give up hope.


Well-Known Member
I hope you can do what you know is right. It will be hard but people will help if they can.

You do a job that must be very difficult but you bring hope to some of the neediest people in our society. Thank you.


Account Closed
No one deserves to be abused either physically or mentally in a relationship. You deserve better - seek support from your network on this issue. Also, have you considered adoption? Wish you the best. :)


Well-Known Member
NO women should even tolerate a guy who is just not nice to her. Hitting her is evil - you got no remedy there - apart from leaving him.

A LOT of men are swine who will be all so nice at first and turn into an asshole later.

Its not good enough. Your man should be grateful he has you - thankful - and you should know this everyday as his kindness towards you proves it.

Sure - life's not a walk in Disneyland hand in hand and whispering sweet nothings - but - whilst the dynamics of any relationship will entail arguments - falling out - and so on - any man - who is a man - will take his ANGER away from his women - and kids - and do whatever you do - lift weights - go the pub and cry with other men about how bad things are - sob - sob - and so on. Not to me though! No way is any man crying the blues to me about how his women treats him so bad.

As for hitting a woman - I'd sooner put my hand in the deep fat fryer - in fact - I'd hope she had a brother who just killed me - buried me in some unmarked grave - or a tombstone which reads

"Some piece of sh** lies buried here."

Men CANNOT hit women - we are the stronger ones - sexual equality is a lie in many respects.

As for the rape - let me say that for you to be able to now work with disabled kids - shows the character you have - the determination to be someone and help others.

But any woman who has a man who hits her or is even just not nice to her - its a millstone round your neck - your carrying a passenger.

Have you no family you could stay with? I know North London rent is not cheap - but maybe you can find a nice smaller place? Or kick this blloke out.

He has actually comitted a criminal offence and the cops will be looking to question him - if you have any allegations re domestic abuse.

Also - the botched op - SEEK legal advice!!

And I know something about fertility and the probs woman can have - I do know that things are looking good there - win a big cheque perhaps - and who knows - maybe its easy to get treatment WHEN you meet the right man.

a man who hits you should NEVER be the father of your kids.

Plus - if worse come to worse - you can adopt - another option as it actually pays ok to do this and your skills with disabled kids - I guess your qualified to do something there.

I'd adopt a child - why not?

Well - its a shame so many kids have nobody and live in official government homes - not an actual home.

but you got hope of having your own.

So to sum it up...

Dump the chump

Your an amazing lady who has been through so much - don't carry any lowlife. Regain your confidence - don't EVER let any man deliberately deflate it so he can control you.

Don't worry about the ops - get compensation - sue for medical negligence - and if you win its a BIG payout. So make sure you dump this lowlife.

And if he wants to hit people - tell him he is always welcome in my pub - I mean we got a warm welcome - love unbounded - well - more like 20 guys unbounded kicking his sorry excuse of an ass.

I know a lot of women who have been through this.

Most - do think they can 'cure' the guy. Others blame themselves because they tried to hit him. Well - men can fend off such attacks actually easily - but sure if someone tries to stab me - lol - I'm trained for basic knife defence. I run.

So - hope some of this helps - you sound like a real nice person who gives a sh** - but unfortunately - I don't know any man who hits women who I'd like to be friends or could be friends with.

If men don't like other men - women ought to maybe wonder why we reject some out there - feel like they are not men - just faking it.

Sorry to be so harsh - and its not reflection on you - but now you have been hit - what do YOU think?

What is the gut reaction answer for you?

Good luck and regards!

Prayers also - well - sure - its not everyone's cup of tea - but there we are.


Well-Known Member
No woman deserves to be hit by her boyfriend. That man needs to be left and forgotten.

And you could always adopt. There are tons of kids sitting in orphanages who deserve a real parent.
So you're going to kill yourself if you can't have kids? It doesn't make you less female if you can't produce them. And anyway kids are overated. It may seem like a 'huggies commerical" but its truly not. Basically I am saying LIVE for yourself and enjoy the freedom and opportunities of not having children. :mhmm:
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount