I feel like depression is slowly killing me, anyways.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xxObliviatexx, Oct 11, 2012.

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  1. xxObliviatexx

    xxObliviatexx Member

    Not too long ago, I made a post on here, saying I had been feeling suicidal. Though, I left this forum for a while..and, it only got worse. My mother has been beating me way more. And, I actually hit her back for once. I lock myself in my room, except I have to put the chair against the door, so no one can come in, because my mother broke my lock. I found out I was pregnant not too long ago, and had a miscarriage last night. I was broken. They told me it was due to stress, and the fact my psych medications messed up the growth. Also, because I didn't get proper care. Though, that wasn't my fault. My mother REFUSED to take me anywhere, and REFUSED to tell ANYONE, that I was pregnant. I haven't eaten since yesterday, and I actually don't plan on eating. I feel skinny, well, kind of. And, I enjoy this feeling. I'm hurting from not eating, but I feel skinny...so it's worth it. I still feel as if I have no reason to live. I don't even have the will to wake up and go to school. I hate all of my friends, and family now. It's just not worth it. I am too tired, and weak to do anything. I hate my life. I literally have no one to go to. Stupid parents beat me. My friends think my suicidal thoughts are a JOKE now. I don't know what to do...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you press charges against your parents then Call the police let them know what is happening and you get out of that toxic place. ok hugs
     
  3. xxObliviatexx

    xxObliviatexx Member

    Police have been notified many times about the things that happen in my house, and never change anything.
     
  4. liamthomas

    liamthomas Member

    Sweety you are already doing the right thing by talking about your feelings. I had my own trauma that made me feel hopeless in my teens, I dropped out for a while did not get out of bed, eat, shower, but it did pass and I enjoyed many wonderful decades. Right now at age 46 for other reasons I feel exactly like your last few sentences for different reasons. I don't want to check out but I can't make the pain go away, but I have before so I have hope that I can beat this darkness.
    You have been through a lot and I know you are in pain trying to make sense of the senseless which must seem impossible, but you deserve the chance to make it, to be happy so let it happen. Think about saving money, and figure out how to get out of there after graduation. Everyone can get funds to go away to college for at least one year and make your life your own, if that's not your thing after a year then you already have the experience to get a job and support yourself. You deserve a great meal, you should make yourself something wonderful with fresh herbs, spices, fruits and vegetables. Food releases endorphins which will make you fell good, make you strong and help you think straight, much better than the unhealthy euphoria starvation creates.
     
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